4 Pros And Cons To Help You Decide Whether Or Not To Give It Up On The First Date


You just met five minutes ago, and he’s already thinking about the two of you in bed.

Ouch. I guess you were hoping for more, especially since your girlfriend gave him a thumbs up as a standup guy. But believe me: Sex is already on his mind – most likely one of these 17 positions. (And maybe yours, too.)

Don’t fret. Smile as you swirl that glass of Chardonnay and relax. He’s just acting on instincts, and as my mom likes to say, “This, too, shall pass.”
We all know that you only get one chance to make a good first impression, and for a guy, a lot of it is about how a woman looks and handles herself.

Yes, these are shallow and superficial judgments, but you have a choice. Either try in vain to change the psychological programming of modern men or exhale and steer the conversation in a positive way until he comes back down to Earth. 

Women also have their ways of checking out a guy.

They look at his clothes, eyes, hands, butt, smile, shoes and then they find out what he does for a living and what makes him tick. 

We all want to get to know a little bit about the other person before letting down our guard. What many guys don’t understand is that to most women, they’re strange and mysterious creatures until they reveal pieces of mission-critical information about themselves.

And what women sometimes fail to understand is that while he’s answering your questions, the right side of the guy’s brain is wondering what it would be like frolicking in bed with you. Now, I’m not saying that this is the only thing on his mind as he sits across from you, but yes, it is the elephant in the room.

What Does This Have To Do With Hooking Up On The First Date?

Let’s say that his eyes and smile sparkle, you both laugh easily over that glass of wine and the conversation flows smoothly in a way that makes you both feel comfortable. That’s nice. By now, you may have already considered what it would be like to date this guy.

You like him and want to know more. And he feels the same.

Of course, you’ll have another glass of wine and, yes, you’d love some of those savory appetizers. You two are having a ball. And after you put your phone away, maybe you wonder what it would be like to jump this guy’s bones.

And, yes, he is thinking the same about you. After he grabs the check, you leave together for a light dinner or dessert, both wondering where this might lead.

Let’s face it: We’ve all been there. There is nothing wrong with it.

But is it wise to do the deed on the first night? That’s a loaded question. Here are the pros and cons of the issue:

The Pros

1. You’re Both Responsible Adults

You bust your butt all day at your job, and you want what you want, when you want it. That’s understandable. So if it feels right, you just might feel like accompanying him back to his place to rumple up his 800-count sheets. (Hey, this relationship could be off to an explosive beginning.) It can work from here. If it doesn’t rock your world, oh well.

There’s nothing wrong with going for what feels right as long as you are responsible for your actions. Who knows how this could play out? Depending on how you feel, he could be “The One,” a new friend with benefits or whatever the heck you want him to become.

2. You Can Live Your Life HOWEVER You Want

You know that this is a rare occasion, but, d*mn it, maybe you feel like doing it with this guy — tonight. Don’t think he’s not a little apprehensive about this, too. If he’s not a lunatic, he wants it, and he probably really likes what he sees in you. But he does not want to go so fast that he scares you away.

At the same time, he’s thinking that this is how things usually work. Work hard. Play hard. Then figure it out.

The Cons

1. It Might Speed Things Up TOO Much

If things were going well, wouldn’t it be better to let the fires simmer for a few days before the big event?

Regardless of how bloated your schedule is, I’m sure you can find time for this exciting new person in your life.

2. He Might Take You For Granted — Or Worse

Most guys I know will wonder, when you are so quick to drop your thong, whether this happens every time a dude springs for drinks and dinner. Did I hear “deal breaker?”

Even worse: Maybe he’s a wham-bam machine, and you’re just the latest in a long line of women who have fallen prey to his steely green eyes and electric smile. Yikes.

So, What’s The Solution?

Keep your wits about you, and use your common sense. This Guy’s Guy believes that when the time is right, good things happen, whether it’s on the first date or on the seventh.

There are no hard rules to follow beyond keeping your inner compass pointed squarely at what feels right for you. And if your new man is a Guy’s Guy, he’ll understand and respect you for your decision to hold off for now. Just make sure that when the moment arrives, you make it worth the wait.

This article was originally published at On Life, Love and the Pursuit of Happiness. Reprinted with permission from the author.

This post originally appeared at YourTango.