40 Things That Matter Less To You As You Get Older


1. Eating McDonalds.

2. Expressing every single feeling you have.

3. Being profound.

4. Falling in love exactly like it happened in The Notebook.

5. Jennifer Aniston’s marital status.

6. Going to clubs.

7. Meeting people at bars/clubs.

8. Being patient with other people’s overly-indulgent problems.

9. Taking drugs.

10. Psychoanalysing everything.

11. Appearances.

12. Which one person is your BFF (“Best friend is a tier, not a person” — Dr. Mindy Lahiri).

13. Using the acronym “BFF” to describe someone.

14. Accidentally queefing during sex.

15. Pooping in public toilets.

16. Leaving the house in your crack addict outfit (sweats, old sneakers, crazy sweater, messy hair, no make-up, bizarrely mismatched but practical coat).

17. Drinking games. Just drink.

18. What everyone else is doing.

19. Being self conscious about wearing the exact bright pink dress and heels you love to a dive bar instead of the indie uniform of jeans and buttoned up skirt.

20. Being alone.

21. Making your specific point heard (heard loudly at that).

22. Biting your tongue when someone is actively nasty to you.

23. Having long hair.

24. Knowing all the lyrics to all your favorite songs (just make up the ones you don’t know fool).

25. Being “seen”.

26. Sharing every little thought or feeling you have online.

27. Racing to the finish line.

28. Having everything all at once, right now please.

29. Being “cool”.

30. Being antagonistic for the sake of it.

31. Whether or not everyone from your high school is fat now or not.

32. Your significant other’s ex.

33. Falling over in an embarrassing situation (it’s going to happen. Gravity is the enemy).

34. Following trends.

35. How many notches there are on your bedpost.

36. Staying home on a Saturday night.

37. What other people think of you.

38. What people on the Internet think about whatever it is they think about.

39. Having lots of acquaintances.

40. Banalities, generally.