40 Thoughts Every Girl Has While Packing To Move
By Caity Mae
- Damn, I’ve got a lot of stuff.
- I swear, I had boxes at one point in my life.
- How did all this get in here?
- Surely, I didn’t move in with all of this.
- Okay, closet, it’s just you and me. Showdown at the OK Corral. Mono y mono.
- I don’t even wear half this shit.
- Oh my God! How did I forget about this dress? *holds dress to body*
- I should try this on. *leaves, tries on dress*
- I make a promise to myself, today, that I will wear that dress more often.
- I should consider donating some of these t-shirts.
- You’re a grown-ass woman. Why do you have three Superman t-shirts?
- I love my Superman t-shirts.
- Was that a spider?
- I swear to all that’s sacred, if a spider jumps on me I’m burning this place to the ground.
- Oh god, oh god, oh god, please no spider.
- I can’t. Nope. Nope. Nope. Moving on.
- How many books can I fit into a box before it becomes too heavy to lift?
- Five?
- This is why I need a man. To lift my boxes of books.
- When did I get so many cups??
- Seriously, I use like two of these.
- Whoever said that dish sets are a symbol of adulthood was a jackass who never had to move.
- Maybe I should just leave all my worldly possessions behind and start anew.
- Nah, I love my stuff too much.
- I wonder if anyone will judge me if I use this plastic Halloween cauldron as a moving crate?
- It’s a container!!! JUDGE ME!
- If I was smart, I’d go get some bins and moving boxes.
- That would make this easier.
- That would also involve getting in the car and putting forth effort.
- This is why I need a man: to go get me boxes. And then he should help me fill those boxes with things and then he will lift those boxes.
- That’s not very feminist of me.
- Fuck it. I’ll just stack this stuff on top of the box.
- Okay, box one of five billion. Here we go.
- Sweet mother of Gandalf that’s heavy!!
- You can do it! Come on! Eye of the tiger, you little bitch!
- I can’t. I’m weak!!
- This is where it ends. My headstone will read, “Crushed by box full of shoes”.
- Christ, I think my whole life passed before my eyes just then.
- Seems I’m not as equipped for the task as I had thought. Hmm…
- I need to hire some movers… or call my dad.