7 Things You Say You’ll Do This Weekend (But Won’t Actually Do)


We all like to think that we’re pretty well-rounded. Work hard during the week, eat as healthy as possible, hit the gym an acceptable number of times, and relax/let loose a bit on weekends.

But sometimes we need to just do nothing and watch movie marathons on TBS all day. So without further ado, I present the things we are not gonna do this weekend. Even though we claim that we will.

1. Exercise

Last week you had Friday off and the fourth of July weekend to look ahead to. Now, yeah, your life sucks. So without any big weekend plans, you’ll probably tell yourself that you’re going to dust off that old gym membership. Maybe run a mile, maybe a 5K, maybe walk across town to grab milk and a comic strip.

But you’ll soon remind yourself that you worked hard all week. Maybe you deserve a break?*

*Also your back tightened up the last time you worked out in 2013 so you actually may want to take it easy the rest of summer.

2. Get Into That New Book

Cranking open that new book may sound like a good idea, but you have to actually use your brain to read. There’s nothing better than a good book (besides a well-cooked ham) but opening up that book always requires more effort than you anticipated.

3. Poker Night 

You and your buddies have been planning a poker night since before you understood the rules to Texas Hold’em. But when someone offers up a card game as a fun nighttime activity, no one seems game. One friend says they’re not in the mood, another doesn’t want to put money down, and you aren’t even sure where the cards are in your house (why don’t you check behind the foosball table? Amateur.)

Playing cards with friends can be a mentally stimulating social activity. But thinking about actually having to set up a game and shuffle and keep track of chips makes people less inclined.

4. Get Revenge On Your Neighbor

Damn Tommy’s been putting his cans in your garbage again. His band is also really loud and terribly unorganized and they practice in your garage (guy has no boundaries).

So you’ve been waiting all week to pull the perfect prank on him. But once 5:00 p.m. on Friday hits, Tommy won’t seem so bad. In fact you guys may become pals (probably not).

5. Become An Uber Driver

They say it’s easy money. You have no boss, work your own hours, and use your own car/motorized vehicle/zamboni/illegal teleportation device. All you’ve got to do is sign up online and get your background checked (at least that’s the impression I’m under).

But once the weekend rolls around, there’s about a 0 percent chance you even put gas in your car. You’re not risking the chance some drunk kid throws up in the backseat, are you?

Also if you’re driving people around, you probably can’t shamelessly air guitar to P!nk’s 2006 hit ‘Who Knew.’

6. Write Another Chapter Of That Novel

You haven’t even started the first chapter so you definitely aren’t going to be writing an additional chapter. Not too logical there, guy.

7. Invest In Mutual Funds

Not even sure what investing in mutuals funds entails but I feel like it’s something people who are good with finance say and I want to sound smart. But it also sounds like something people just put off.

*note: You should probably try to do some of these things this weekend.