5 Reasons Why Norm Macdonald Should Be The Next Late Late Host

King of discomfort Norm Macdonald has been lighting up the world the last couple of weeks with a Twitter campaign, serious or not, to become the new host of The Late Late Show when Craig Ferguson leaves the post. Perhaps he realized that America can only handle one late-night host with an annoying accent at a time. As anyone with a Western pulse could predict, there’s a movement to get a female or POC on the late-night circuit that is admittedly governed exclusively by funny white men (well, nearly all of them are funny).

I’m drawing a line in the sand. “Funny” should be protected with the zeal of an Abrahamic god from all who wish to dilute it for the “greater good.” Internet traffic, along with traditional ratings, should be the only permissible barometers—not pigment and genitalia.

Admittedly, Norm seems to question his own work ethic and ability to handle the minutiae of celebrity interviews. And it’s a hugely risky bet that he will not be his gloriously untrustworthy, non-PC self on air—a bet CBS executives are unlikely to take—but oh, how fun and precarious late-night TV would be again, if for only a short time. Here are some reasons why you should all allow Norm into your volcanic heart:

1. Yes, we probably need another straight male late-night host.

The movement to get a POC on Saturday Night Live backfired when their ebony idol, Leslie Jones, turned out to not take kindly to goose-stepping with the left. Oh, the happy day when cultural Marxists realize that black people don’t share the same beliefs as bearded, noodle-armed Portland fags. Most funny people are straight, white, male, and typically Jewish. If they weren’t considered funny by the general public they wouldn’t ascended to where they are currently perched. The only bias media executives have is money. If you’re soiling your diaper as you’re reading this, pretty please with sugar on top tell me how it’s possible that black people absolutely dominate the music industry if there is a concerted movement to keep them down in comedy.

2. Norm’s deadpan delivery on touchy and banal subjects alike made him the best person to ever helm the desk at Weekend Update.

His nuanced ideas and beliefs also stand on their own and don’t ooze with overt politics like more and more comedians nervously adhere to as of late—fearful that a true believer might discover their heresy and start a piss-soaked firing campaign from their medicated cocoon.

3. He even makes golf—the most contemptible of sports—hypnotizing to read about.

4. Flimsy manorexic Joel McHale, supposedly the other leading contender, should automatically be disqualified for doing a cringe-inducing corporate PR event for Froggy videogame developer Ubisoft.

5. Late night is getting safer.

In Conan O’Brien’s heyday of the ‘90s, I remember every other joke being gay-themed. It was good-natured and goofy, but we all know that humor is now labeled as hate in disguise. The depressing Chinese apologies that both Colbert and Kimmel made reminded me of Mao’s Great Leap Forward. Those who demand sorrowful public spectacles are a superstitious and cowardly lot. I suspect that Norm would only apologize for something he is truly sorry for and not because some asshole worried about “brand synergy” made him recant.

Forget all of the other trivial Twitter campaigns. Let’s all support #LateLateNormNorm and make late-night TV dangerous again.