5 Reasons Why Your Best Guy Friend Sucks


One of my best friends is a boy. He’s great. He lives near my parents’ house and now that I’ve moved back home after college his proximity makes him ideal for after-[not]-work drinks and whining over cups of coffee. I’ve known him since elementary school, and we’ve been friends since high school. He’s a good person, he’s a good friend, and he’s a whole lot less work than 98.924% of my female friends. I love him. But I’m gonna be real with you: sometimes he really, really sucks.

I loathe when people say that people of the opposite sex can’t really be friends because that’s just fucking stupid. But if I’m being honest there are times when your permanently platonic bf just doesn’t cut it.

1. Girls, no matter how cool and Bro-tastic, have mood swings.

I don’t care if you truly enjoy Football Season Sundays more than Sunday Brunch, would rather sip straight Jame-o than Skinny Girl Sangria, and pee standing up. If you have a vagina, you go through periods of moody bitchness. Every 2 months or so I lose the ability to hold myself together. During this time, I mainly have 52-hour Netflix marathon and sob over inexplicably stupid things in my bed. Anyone with a penis does not understand this and will judge you for it. Some really great guy friends will pretend that they think it’s normal, but trust me you just killed a little piece of them by admitting that you are indeed a girl.

TL;DR: You have to hibernate intermittently so your male BFF doesn’t question your broness.

2. He will always ditch you for the possibility of a hookup.

If you two are at the bar and a drunk hottie telepathically communicates that she will fully blow him, he’ll leave you there without a second thought. You’re glad he’s getting laid, but you’re really just thinking about how your BFF Jill would make sure her makeout buddy had a hot friend for you too.

3. You’re not a potential hook-up (thank god), so he will never notice your new eyeliner technique or the Pinterest mani you spent 3 and a half hours on.

If you’re looking for validation, invite your best bitch to lunch and she’ll text you on the way there to tell you that your brows are on point today.

4. He’ll become friends with your love interests.

This is great if it’s your boyfriend, but if he starts going on man dates with that guy you’re trying to phase out or never wanted to see again in the first place, it complicates things.

5. You can’t discuss last night’s episode of Shahs with him.

A lot of guys watch trashy Bravo just as much as we do. Even my very masculine Dad claims to hate it, but slap on an episode of Real Housewives and he’s glued to the screen. If you’re lucky enough to have one of these, count it as a blessing, but also know that they will not be able to hold a substantial conversation about anything other than Lilly’s tits. You’ll have to reach for your lady friends again if you want to discuss the psychology behind Jax tattooing Stassi’s name on his arm, and then diagnose him with some kind of personality disorder.

Honestly though, the list of reasons guy BFFs are the best is at least 3 times as long as this, so it is 100% logical to ditch dem bitches. Boys rule.