5 Things Basic People Complain About


1. People who wear make-up at the gym

This complaint is so ubiquitous and yet, so incredibly trivial. Yes, the purpose of the gym is to exercise. Some people like to wear make-up while they sweat. It’s not mutually exclusive. Maybe they were lazy and didn’t want to wash their face when they came from work. Perhaps they simply don’t feel confident without make-up on or prefer it for aesthetic reasons. Whatever their reasoning, it’s about them, not you. It affects you exactly zero percent. How could something that make someone else happy, and doesn’t affect you, be cause for complaint?

2. The Neighbors

Basic people talk about their neighbors all the freaking time! What their neighbors do, how their neighbor’s lawn maintenance affects the price of their home, how they had to call the city because the neighbor doesn’t have a permit for their shed. Holy shit people, how do you have so much time in your life to be this concerned about other people? I’m actually fascinated, please tell me your time-saving tricks.

This complaint might be able to be redeemed. In The Virgin Suicides, Jeffrey Eugenides postulates that maybe his parents only pretend to care about the lawn because they are hiding all the deep issues they really care about and want to keep their kids calm. If there is some beautiful, tortured narrative behind complaining about your neighbors, I will let you have this one.

3. Grammar

Unless you’re an English teacher and you are in an English class, this is not an interesting thing to critique. Someone is talking to you about an idea you disagree with and you really would rather talk syntax? Yawn.

4. Feeling unacknowledged

Basic people complain that so-and-so didn’t appreciate that they set the table for their dinner party with blue napkins because that is so-and-so’s favorite color. Non-basic people don’t derive their self worth from others so they don’t have this problem. Don’t play games to get attention, get a hobby and you’ll attract people who like and appreciate you without having to ingratiate yourself to them first.

5. “MTV doesn’t play music anymore”

This complaint is something only basic people say because it has been stated thousands of times already. No, “Music television” no longer plays music videos. This has been happening for over ten years. We’ve investigated this phenomena thoroughly since then. It’s been discussed ad nauseum. Let’s accept that things don’t always end the way we conceive of at the beginning. MTV has bills to pay and you watch The Real World with more consistency than hours of unstructured videos. Mystery solved.

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image –Tom Newby