5 Things People In Strong Relationships Don’t Do

Being tethered to someone romantically is a weird thing we do as humans. It’s like, “Hey, want to hang out like all of the time, watch Netflix and periodically have arguments over assumed tones in text message conversations?” “Sure, sounds great, but only if we eat brunch regularly and get a cat.” But a strong relationship is a good relationship, because being strong is good. Here are 5 things people in strong relationships don’t do:

1. They don’t break eye contact during meals

Nothing solidifies the bound between two souls more than some non-interrupted soul gazing while masticating. We live in a world dominated by technology and instant gratification, so it would benefit both parties to just unplug for a bit, relax and literally just stare at each other while you eat. Like the whole time.

2. They don’t try to rush things

A strong relationship needs to blossom naturally. Sure, you may really see a future with this person and can’t imagine how things could sour, but you don’t need to go knocking them unconscious and trying to convince them that 6 months have passed. It’s just not feasible. There is no sweet spot for manually giving someone amnesia. You’re either not going to hit them hard enough or just straight up murder them. So go with the flow and enjoy the ride.

3. They don’t point out each other’s flaws with a laser pointer

We all have those days when we look in the mirror and we’re not a fan of what we see. The last thing you need on those days is your significant other circling your love handles with a laser pointer, saying “You’d be a solid 7 if you cleaned those up, but right now you’re a sub 5.” Make self-improvement fun by hiking or distracting them from meals with cool sex stuff.

4. They don’t carry the smaller of the two in a little backpack when they go out

Everyone needs their space. It doesn’t mean you don’t love each other if you don’t want to be with each other 24/7. You can go to a spin class by yourself, it’s fine. Plus, it’s just not practical. Would he be all the way in there or would it be kind of a turtle shell situation, with his legs and arms sticking out and he’s also naked for some reason? Plus I think messenger bags are more in now. Just a lot of factors in play here.

5. They don’t pressure their partner to try to land a backflip

Look, it’s not happening. There’s no way I can do that. Please just stop. This is not going to be like when I tried kale, where you just kept asking and asking until I gave in. I genuinely don’t possess the athletic prowess to do this. I don’t understand your obsession with this. Wait… is this because that guy from your work did one at our cookout? OHH, WELL THAT’S GREAT. MAYBE JERRY WILL DO ONE IF YOU ASK HIM, YOU CAN CALL HIM BACKFLIP JERRY AND HAVE A THOUSAND KIDS THAT WILL BACKFLIP OUT OF YOUR WOMB.