5 Things People Will Say To You While You Watch Your Favorite Show, For Which They Should Be Shunned

“What’s the backstory?”

Probably the most agreed upon annoyance while watching a television show is having someone probe you for every last detail of what’s happened in the plot prior to the current episode. “So wait, he was a doctor and that other guy met his dad at a bar? Or was the other guy the doctor?” And I’m like, let’s just not right now… If you haven’t cared about this show enough to either watch or at least IMDB it, then I don’t find responsibility in entertaining your third degree. Want to know what this show is about? I mean, do you really want to know? Then watch it. Learn slowly. Ask reasonably simple questions during—only during—commercial breaks, and don’t smugly assume I’m pleased to see you “getting” what’s going on when you get a random plot point right.

“Who is that?”

Um… I don’t know. Maybe it’s that guy who has literally been promoting this show for the last four years and is on SNL every other weekend and is in no way someone whose character’s name should slip your mind. I’m not going to sit through a show that is only on once a week to give you the playbill. Perhaps if you paid attention for five seconds you would hear someone say his name enough times to recall that Don Draper is a household name at this point.

“Oh my gosh! I forgot to tell you…”

You did, but please DO NOT TELL ME RIGHT NOW. Even if you’re about to say you went to Soho House last night and Ryan Gosling bought you a drink behind his girlfriend’s back, now is not the time I want to hear this story. Give me one hour of solace to enjoy my stories, then you can unload all of your deep, dark secrets on me; but until that hour is over, nothing you can tell me will be as important as Jesse Pinkman’s plight right now.

“You have to watch this video I saw on Facebook…”

That’s funny, because I thought you were here to watch this show I’m currently seeing right this second. You don’t see me walking into a movie theater to interrupt “The Wolf of Wall Street” to show you a cool French short film I just heard about. If I’m clearly looking at the TV, looking at your iPhone is not going to make my skirt fly up.

“Haha! Are you serious?!”

Yep, pretty sure that this Emmy Award winning drama isn’t joking around, despite your finding the plot line comically ridiculous. TV is an easy way to separate from reality for 60 damn minutes, not to relive the common monotony of every day life. If you’re laughing while Peter Dinklage is crying, you can get the hell out of my living room.