5 Things You Absolutely Should Not Do When Going Through A Breakup

1. DON’T keep calling or messaging.

Whether you are the dropper or the droppee, the worst worst worst thing you can do is continue to reach out. At least for a while. For instance, if you’ve been dropped, it’s likely that you are hurt, devastated even, and therefore much of your pain is stemmed from a feeling of powerlessness. Naturally, wanting to reach out and hold onto the person who was once your sustenance but is now letting you go is your first knee-jerk reaction. But stop. Breathe. The only way of regaining your power is the power of silence, of restraint. When fueled by emotion, anything you could possibly text message or say, will only leave you seeming and feeling weak. Step back, resist contact, and clarity and strength will come back to you. (Your resolve may even be the force that eventually wields his/her attraction back in your favor.) You’ll be grateful after the fact that you did.

If you are the dropper, while the kind thing to do is check in on your recent ex to see if they’re holding up Ok, participating in “I miss you” exchanges, or meagerly going back for breakup (possible makeup) sex is not very kind at all. This sort of behavior sends mixed messages and only prolongs the pain and healing period for the droppee. Be selfless, wise, and stand by your decision. And if you think you’ve made a mistake, then be decisive about that as well.

2. DON’T listen to love songs.

It sounds so corny, but it’s a well know fact that romantic music will only trigger the chemicals in your body that are already craving what they have recently lost, and so they’ll feed off the love song only to leave you washed up in it’s wake, back where you started.

3. DON’T fall straight into the arms of someone else.

First, ask yourself this: am I really ready to love someone again? It takes time to regroup with yourself and grieve for the death of your previous relationship—regardless of the reasons for its demise. So breathe, and give it its due time. Rather than hiding from the pain and throwing yourself into another co-dependent scenario, take care of number one. If you don’t, the demons will only come back to bite you later down the track. In the second instance, hooking up with another person immediately or soon after your break-up is possibly one of the most hurtful things you could do to your ex. Even if they deserve to be hurt, try and treat others the way you wish to be treated. And third, the new lover… Are you really able to give them the best part of yourself?

4. DON’T try and keep tabs on them by staying in touch with their friends or family.

If you have forged real friendships with these people, then yes, in time it will be appropriate to continue with them. But in the short-term, the classy thing to do is create space from the entire situation. Again, this restraint will empower you; messaging her friends or asking his mom out for coffee will only irritate your ex. Also, seeing people from his/her world will likely just keep the wounds roar. Give yourself time to heal.

5. DON’T cyber-stalk.

We’ve all been there and regretted it. Checking her Instagram feed every 30 minutes, monitoring who he “friended” or which posts he’s recently “liked” on Facebook. It’s a slippery slope and to only leads one way—down. Focus on your own life, in the here and now. It’s bound to be better than your ex’s social media status.