5 Things You Said That I’ll Never Know If You Truly Meant

These are the words from you that I’ll never forget. Maybe for you, they were just words. But for me, they were everything.

1. ‘We make a good team.’

I was the writer and you were the musician. I was organized and you were scatterbrained. I helped you think things through and you helped me let loose. We were each other’s other halves and the world didn’t make sense without the other one in it. Instead of “you” and “I,” we were “us.” We were a team.

2. ‘You’re my best friend.’

When your roommates were gone and we stayed entangled with each other in bed until noon, we could talk, we could be silly, we could be serious, we could be anything together. You were my best friend and I was yours. You tickled me until I could cry and you told me, “you’re my best friend.”

3. ‘I’ll never hurt you like he did.’

That day you thought you’d almost lost me, I couldn’t bear to tell you I was still hurting from the past. I was scared to lose you the way I lost him. I couldn’t get hurt again the way I did before. I couldn’t see myself surviving something like that again. You told me, “I’ll never hurt you like he did,” “I’m not him.” You said you’d never leave. But in the end, you did.

4. ‘I’m so lucky to have you.’

You always made it seem like our relationship was too good to be true, and in some ways, it was. You loved me for all the support I gave you, for all the times I was there for you, and for always giving you the attention you constantly craved. The way we met, we thought it was fate. We both had our doubts, but as the hopeless romantics we both are, we held out for the love we had. You were so lucky to have me, but boy, was I lucky to have you.

5. ‘I love you.’

I remember every time you told me: the first time and the last time, every morning and every night. Every time you left for work and every time you hung up the phone. You knew I loved you from the way I held on to you at night and I knew you loved me from the way you watched me sleep.

Maybe we were moving too fast. Maybe we got a little too carried away. But there was absolutely no doubt that we were in love with each other.

Now that you’re gone, I’ve already begun to forget the way you smell and the way you sound. I’ve forgotten what it felt like to have your warm body next to mine, and to wake up to your smile. But these words you said I’ll never forget.