5 Things You Will Not Expect To Find At A Katy Perry Concert

There are certain things you expect at a Katy Perry concert. Glitter. Love. Rainbows. Katycats. Kitty Purrys. Innuendo. But as I learned on her Prismatic tour, there are a few unexpected things at a Katy Perry concert that make the experience all the more wacky.

1. No one in their 20s

Being in my (very) (late) 20s, I was hoping that there would be others like me, but it turns out what you will find at a Katy Perry concert is that everyone between the ages of 20 and 35 is missing. I don’t know what that says about me.

2. Drunk Soccer Moms

The kind of moms that go to Katy Perry concerts: are drunk, are ignoring their kids, have really great plastic surgeons, think everything is hilarious, think you’re the sweetest (by virtue of you sitting in the seat next to them) and have perfect blow outs. They don’t know Katy Perry’s songs but they bought their daughters ALL the merch and will spend the better half of the show either gossiping, giggly, mom dancing, or taking turns going to get more white wine. Whereas the dead-in-the-eyes dads seemed nothing out of the ordinary, the gaggles of botoxed mothers treating the concert like a Sunday afternoon brunch was quite astounding.

3. Tiny Little Girls

You know you’re getting a little old when you’re APPALLED by all the tiny little girls at a concert. I very much expected there to be teenage girls at the concert, but I’m talking girls so tiny they still pronounced it “Katy Pe-wy,” and the smallest sized Prism Tour t-shirt dragged around their ankles. Note these tiny ladies have a deafening, high pitched shriek that is not commensurate to their size, and they will send you deaf.

4. Middle aged single women and their gay BFFs in wigs

Also a type of terribly drunk person, usually rolling in groups of 4: 2 dowdy middle aged women in pink wigs and their stylish gay BFFs in fun shirts and blue wigs. Moreso than the soccer moms, these are the guys you want to party with, but can’t, because anything you say to them will seem boring. You see, they’ve gone to that special place where they’ve transcended lame (by embracing it, mostly), and are actually now the most awesome people at a party, who look like they are having the best time. You’d expect them to be somewhere way more crazy than at a Katy Perry concert, surrounded by 5 year olds.

5. Katy Perry’s singing voice

I once watched Britney Spears run around a stage for 2 house lip synching and I loved it. I mean, no one goes to a Britney Spears concert for singing, do they? Anyway I was half expecting Katy to be doing the same, but nope, she sang, and sometimes she fucked it up a bit when she was running or dancing, but when she was standing still it was absolutely divine. It turns out the woman can belt one out.