5 Tips To Battling The Working World

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No one can deny that the office is actually a pseudonym to guise what it truly is — a battlefield. Fraught with endless tumultuous battles that leave us strained, wounded, scarred — or worse, martyred in the process — this battlefield is definitely not home to those weak at heart, and frail of mind. But as with every battle that does not kill us makes us stronger, we inadvertently find ourselves the protagonist to our own bildungsroman, emerging stronger and wiser from the last battle fought.
Before you charge hastily and head-on into battle, “the commander must decide how he will fight the battle before it begins,” so here are 5 quick battle tips to equip and bulletproof yourself with, so you can emerge victoriously unscathed from your next battle.

1. Outlook = Explosive Minefield.

Intricately disguised as an innocent office communication tool, Outlook is really the most dangerous setting for a battlefield laced with concealed explosives, all ready to implode and blow up in your face. Each time you send an email that is potentially detrimental to your career, make sure you check, double-check, and even triple-check the recipient list to make sure it is 100% correct. Just one wrong name and you never know when you’ll be stripped of your Outlook access forever. The field — or rather, the “my-boss-has-my-back” field — is a subtle message for you to get your arse down to work or risk potential escalation. And the most dangerous stealth weapon of all? The field which has caused the downfall of many thanks to two-faced double-agents who seize the most despicable opportunity to bring you down while you are caught unawares.

2. The Art of T’ai Chi.

For the benefit of those strangers to Chinese martial arts, T’ai Chi is a form of martial arts used for defense and health benefits practiced primarily via a “pushing” technique. The battlefield is peppered with people skilled in The Art of T’ai Chi so if you’re going to survive this battle, you’d better master The Art of T’ai Chi for your counter-attack or you’re going to find yourself having to fight others’ battles. It’s one thing to fight together as an army; it’s another to risk your life on the line for yet another freeloading deserter. NOT COOL.

3. TRUST NO ONE.

When it’s every man for himself, how can you be sure who would willingly take that shot for you and who is simply an infiltrated spy? All personal lines are severed the moment a grenade is thrown both ways. Always remember that self-ammunition is key to surviving every battle. Never undermine the importance of Black & White communication and, when in doubt, trust your gut instincts, as you are not your own enemy.

4. The Ultimate Weapon – KISS ASS.

Don’t waste time training, or prepping yourself for battle. Half or more of the battle is won as long as you have yourself The Ultimate Weapon of Kiss Ass. You may not have the best credentials, a sleek charm or a likable façade. But just pucker up, degrade yourself to the whims & fancies of your boss and stroke his ego lovingly in revered adoration throughout the day, every day, rest assured that this will reap the highest ROI with the least amount of effort. The only casualty will be your self-pride and worth, if it’s worth the sacrifice. As long as your boss knows you’ve got his ass, he’ll definitely have your back and shield you far from the impact of battle. After all, what’s a man to do without his personal human shield?

5. Get Your Game On.

“If you fail to prepare, you prepare to fail.” Charge into battle confidently with your game face on and do not let the enemy expose and exploit your vulnerabilities to their advantage. Never ever wear your emotions on your sleeves or prepare to fight a losing battle. Sun Tzu, the greatest war strategist of all time once said, “The whole secret lies in confusing the enemy, so he cannot fathom our real intent.” Take on every battle to the best of your abilities so that even if you do fail, you can at least take pride in a glorious failure that will leave a legacy — something even the naysayers can’t find fault with.