5 Ways To Trick People Into Thinking You’re Eccentric
1. Wear black all the time
There is obviously nothing that is more peculiar than someone who wears black at all times and I’m talking about at ALL TIMES. It could be the hottest day of summer, but never mind that – be in your usual black jeans and a long-sleeved black tee. Wearing home-made black jewelry as well would likely get the point totally across. When people ask why you wear black so much, lower your voice and softly and solemnly say, “Black is invisible, black is obscure, black is my escape from a world of too many colors.” Or something like that.
2. Speak as cryptically as possible
In order to get people to think you’re eccentric, you must not speak in everyday vernacular. In daily conversation, you my friend, must sound like the equivalent of listening to a podcast that explains the configurations of an electronic device. However, you must find a way to do so with a certain poetic edge. When someone makes a simple comment about the weather, reply with a 10-minute monologue about how the weather is more than a physical phenomenon; that it is a socially-constructed, metaphysical concept that permeates the homo sapiens ability to delineate future expectations of physical spaces which is why blue is not a real color and the reason we’re all going to die.
3. Be technologically-averse
Unsurprisingly, you don’t watch TV at all; you don’t even own one and never fail to remind people of this when they’re talking about TV shows. But you have to go all out here; you also don’t own a cell phone or a computer. Have you ever seen the meme of the guy who brings his typewriter to Starbucks? You want to be this guy. It goes without saying, but obviously you can’t be on any form of social media either. When people ask you if you’re on Facebook, ask them, “What is Facebook?”
4. Talk to animals
Be found holding full-out conversations with squirrels, cats, and all creatures great and small. Even host parties in honor of your furry friends. Go up to other people’s pets and ignore the owners whilst you begin to exchange your thoughts about the state of the U.S. economy with their animal companions. If anyone questions you, tell them that they just do not understand that you were born with a special gift, a gift that has made you the real-life version of Dr. Dolittle. (Of course you can’t admit to knowing who Dr. Dolittle is because that would be too conventional a movie for your taste.)
5. Be fanatically obsessed with something.
Last but not least, you must be worryingly possessed with an interest. It could be a person – a historical figure or a real live person. Or it could be a subject like the Roman Empire or the Vikings era. Know absolutely everything there is to know about this interest and insist on making every possible conversation, event, or experience about your obsession. When you talk about it, get excited by jumping on tables and crawling on floors. Being eccentric is so much fun to be around, n’est-ce pas?