50 Crucial Things Every Modern Woman Needs To Remember


1. The girl in the magazine doesn’t even look like the girl in the magazine.

2. If he cares, he will make time. No exceptions.

3. Don’t get in a tanning bed or a car with a driver who may be drunk.

4. Who you sleep with is your business.

5. Take care of your body; feed it well, work it well.

6. Do not focus on numbers. Age, weight, calories, anniversaries, days since you’ve had a cigarette.

7. Eat chocolate once a day.

8. Do not drink Jose Cuervo. That shit is poison and it’ll make you think it’s okay to do some things that are DEFINITELY not okay.

9. Go skinny dipping.

10. Let yourself cry and laugh as much as you want to.

11. If someone is being a dick, tell them they’re being a dick.

12. Wear sexy underwear all the time, just in case.

13. Take baths without having your phone in the bathroom. Drink some wine.

14. Take lots of pictures. Write things down.

15. Who gives a fuck what time it is?

16. Read lots of books.

17. Keep it simple.

18. Believe in the things worth believing in.

19. Don’t waste time being afraid.

20. Don’t let anyone tell you what to do.

21. If you need help, ask for it.

22. Be kind to yourself.

23. There are not as many things wrong with you as you think there are.

24. Shake hands firmly, make eye contact.

25. Walk around like the boss that you are.

26. Learn your limits. Don’t cross them. It’s all fun and games until you’re on the floor of a bathroom with smudged makeup and $10 worth of food in the toilet.

27. Everyone is fighting their own battle. Be kind.

28. Keep people on a need-to-know basis. Especially your mother.

29. Don’t be afraid to be happy. You can have cake for breakfast, just maybe not every day.

30. Recycle. Are you serious? What year is this?

31. Get tattoos if you want them. Your boss won’t care and you’ll look rad as hell when you’re old. Claim your body and remember that the only person who has to like it is you.

32. There is no size requirement for skinny jeans or crop tops or bikinis. Wear what you want.

33. Don’t drink shitty beer after college. Shitty wine is okay as long as you didn’t buy it at a gas station. Bonus points if you actually drink it with some sort of fresh cheese.

34. Don’t tell other women how to dress, what to do, or how many people it’s okay to bang in one week.

35. Don’t ever lie to your doctor or your therapist.

36. Take a tampon out of your bag without a shred of embarrassment. It’s not a secret, it’s a fucking biological miracle.

37. Don’t take pictures in florescent lighting.

38. Don’t settle. Men, jobs, salads when you want pizza.

39. Fall in love with abandon.

40. Just buy the ticket, then you have to go.

41. Learn how to cook at least one thing.

42. Words are powerful things. Use them selectively.

43. Make time for the people who are important to you. Always.

44. Don’t let anyone put you into a box. You can be whoever you want, do whatever you want, like whatever you want and spend time with whoever you want.

45. Be kind to yourself.

46. Call your god damn mother.

47. Be outside as often as you can. Sleep outside. Get dirty. Nature is home.

48. Say goodbye to people and things in your life that do you more harm than good.

49. Everyone’s definition of success is different. Find yours and respect that of others.

50. Gratitude, as always, proves to be the most important thing to remember.