50 Excuses You Can Make For Punk

1. Punk’s not dead, it’s just waiting for you to stop bitching.

2. Punk’s not dead, it’s just being ignored.

3. Punk’s not dead, it’s just the middle child of grunge and pop.

4. Punk’s not dead, she’s just in the kitchen making ramen.

5. Punk’s not dead, he just has to get rid of his morning wood.

6. Punk’s not dead, he just can’t remember where his car is.

7. Punk’s not dead, she’s just too drunk to remember her Facebook password.

8. Punk’s not dead, he’s just too hungover for class.

9. Punk’s not dead, he just doesn’t remember how he got home last night.

10. Punk’s not dead, he’s just turned his Spotify to private so he can listen to Britney Spears without judgement.

11. Punk’s not dead, it just spent its phone bill money on a tattoo.

12. Punk’s not dead, it just likes to paint now.

13. Punk’s not dead, it’s just playing games to see how long it takes you to text back.

14. Punk’s not dead, she just hates your mother.

15. Punk’s not dead, they just don’t like your face.

16. Punk’s not dead, she’s just got really bad anxiety and doesn’t feel like leaving the house for awhile.

17. Punk’s not dead, she’s just scraping last week’s dried ketchup off her jeans in the bathroom.

18. Punk’s not dead, they just don’t conform to your gender norms.

19. Punk’s not dead, she’s just having a fat day.

20. Punk’s not dead, she’s just having a thin day.

21. Punk’s not dead, she’s just having a body image day.

22. Punk’s not dead, his cat just peed on his favorite plaid shirt.

23. Punk’s not dead, she’s just trying to cut her own bangs.

24. Punk’s not dead, he’s just breaking a personal masturbation record.

25. Punk’s not dead, she’s just having a “bottle of wine in the bathtub” kind of night.

26. Punk’s not dead, he’s Netflix Binging.

27. Punk’s not dead, he just ate some Indian food last night and is going to be a while.

28. Punk’s not dead, their neighbor just changed their wireless password.

29. Punk’s not dead, she just lost her denim jacket with the patches and is having an existential crisis.

30. Punk’s not dead, it’s just waiting to announce it’s candidacy for the 2016 Presidential election.

31. Punk’s not dead, she’s just too busy telling people about herself.

32. Punk’s not dead, they just got an email from a friend with a password for Brazzer’s.

33. Punk’s not dead, he just doesn’t text and drive.

34. Punk’s not dead, he just took a couple business classes and doesn’t understand socialism anymore.

35. Punk’s not dead, he’s just working two jobs to pay off his student loans.

36. Punk’s not dead, it just can’t decide which album to buy now that vinyl is popular again.

37. Punk’s not dead, he just hasn’t been able to deal with Paul McCartney and Kanye West collaborating.

38. Punk’s not dead, the acid just kicked in and he’s not sure which door is the real exit…or entrance.

39. Punk’s not dead, she just can’t find any plaid shirts under $10.

40. Punk’s not dead, he’s just wandering an Asian supermarket.

41. Punk’s not dead, it’s just trying out Atkins.

42. Punk’s not dead, no thanks to Obama.

43. Punk’s not dead, he’s just a stay-at-home dad now.

44. Punk’s not dead, she’s at the cleaner’s.

45. Punk’s not dead, he has an 8 a.m. class.

46. Punk’s not dead, they just can’t drink the way they used to.

47. Punk’s not dead, he just found out his color spectrum is Fall and needs to go shopping.

48. Punk’s not dead, it just procrastinated writing a ten-page essay and is in hiding at the library.

49. Punk’s not dead, it’s just trying to rebuild it’s confidence after Avril Lavigne married that guy from Nickelback.

50. Punk’s not dead, it just moved to Portland.

This article was written in collaboration with Tori Cohen and Mitch McCarruthers.