50 Men On The Tinder Profiles That Are An ‘Immediate Left’

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I never knew taking a selfie in a car was so ridiculously popular until I got on Tinder/Bumble. It’s never even occurred to me to take a picture like this.

Some girls even have profiles where the only pictures they have are like 5 different selfies in the car.

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The real basic one on Tinder is:

The dog face filter.

“proud mother to a furbaby”

“not here for hookups”

“love to travel”

having an emoji associated with everything in their profile

More localized to my area (very rural):

Pictures with a fish/gun

Listing being taken mudding as an interest

referring to herself as a “country girl”

“I can probably drink more than you”

“faith, family, friends”

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instagram esque pictures with a colorful graffiti wall in the background or lots of group photos that leave you wondering who the hell you are even swiping on.

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Stereotypes I’ve seen on Bumble:

– No bio

– Group photo with the same people in them 3+ times

– Snapchat filters (especially if it’s every freaking photo)

– An 👏emoji 👏after 👏every 👏freaking 👏word 👏

– Travel, Netflix, Witty quote from a popular sitcom

– Using “Hi” as an opener (even when I give you an in by putting a question in my bio)

– ONE WORD RESPONSES

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I’ll go with the high school/college white girls posing with African/Caribbean kids surrounding them.

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Men might use quotes from The Office, but I see a ton of women who are a “Leslie looking for her Ben,” or a “Pam looking for her Jim.”

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Travel. I don’t know how people can travel to 30 different countries on a grad student’s budget.

Adventuring. What the fuck does that even mean? Is that like questing? Because I could get behind that. It seems like it’s just a generic term to make boring people sound less boring, because they don’t have anything interesting in their lives. Because how else do you mention that trying a different kind of cheddar is the highlight of your month?

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In the Pacific Northwest, I see a bunch of people that love hiking. I’m not sure how many people actually enjoy hiking versus the idea of hiking, but I’m going to go with the latter.

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“Just ask.” “I’m bad at writing about myself.” Like. Holy shit. Those topics aren’t for you to brag about yourself. It’s so that I can have something to talk to you about it. It’s not that hard.

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Fluent in sarcasm.

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Pretend kissing your straight friend with duck lips.

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“Don’t bother messaging me if…X, Y, & Z (usually height, race, or personality related).” – There is always a nicer way to say this.

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“I won’t respond to messages that say ‘hi.’ Come up with something creative! – it’s problematic enough that you’re making someone work for your attention but when he actually does obey your instructions, he doesn’t get a respond back or gets a “hi.” It’s demoralizing.

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Cats.

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Live laugh love.

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90% of Tinder (in my area at least) is just girls bragging about their last holiday accompanied by ten million beach selfies.

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If you live in Colorado, it’s basically mandatory that you have a picture of you standing on top of a 14er.

Edit: Probably should have specified: a 14er is a mountain that is over 14,000 feet tall. There are tons of them in Colorado and it’s a trendy thing here to hike them, then take a picture on top holding a cardboard sign that says the mountain’s name and your current altitude.

It’s Colorado, we love mountain stuff.

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Girl 1, Girl 2, Girl 3, Girl 4

All look the same, try and figure out the puzzle to which girl is the actual profile girl.

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“Proud dog Mom”

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IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE ME AT MY WORST, YOU DON’T DESERVE ME AT MY BEST.

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“Buy me food and call me pretty”

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Every other woman says they like adventure and it’s like they think they’re the only ones saying that.

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“I probably can [Traditionally masculine activity here] better/more than you.”

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3 or more pictures of her and some random girl, both with a red solo cup, with some shitty frat house or bar in the background. They look like they’re half smiling, half screaming.

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Hyperbole about the level of affection they have for a specific animal

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(If blonde) “Blondes have more fun”

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Some remark to make it sound like she was forced to be there or indifferent to the app. “My friends made me do it”/”I’m just here for ___”

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Comment about how sarcastic/funny/sassy she is.

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Chicken nuggets or something that they think is unique and quirky that every other girl lists too.

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“Not here for hook ups”. These are the girls that always fuck on the first date. You know a girls a hoe if she has to actively say how shes not a hoe.

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Those numbered Birthday Ballons.

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“Not on here very often”- as if you’re too good for dating apps, but still want to be able to swipe right when you need attention/validation

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Ladies posing with other men and children. Presumably someone else’s familes, but who knows? Swipe left.

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5’3 but my attitude is 6’4

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Mentioning how they love the oxford comma. I’m not sure where this idea could have spawned from, but it’s like the majority of profiles that bother to have a bio. Everyone must have seen like one profile do it, think it’s a clever thing they could steal without others noticing, not realizing its actually everyone.