52 Strange Things Guys Think During Sex


Sex with new partners can be a little stressful. The internal monologue is a mini roller coaster of highs and lows. Sometimes even boredom. How do guys handle it sometimes? Well…

  1. “Oh, God, am I gonna get whiskey dick?”
  2. “Should I pee before or after?”
  3. “Fuck it, I’ll pee before AND after.”
  4. “Should I take my clothes off first or hers?”
  5. “Oh, holy shit, she’s taking hers off. I should help, it’ll be hot.”
  6. “There’s no sexy way to help a girl take her pants off, actually.”
  7. “When was the last time I worked out? I can’t believe she’s saying yes to a body that screams, ‘I drink beer way too regularly.’”
  8. “We should get Mexican food after this.”
  9. “I wonder if I’m her first black guy.”
  10. “I don’t know why guys don’t go down on girls more often.”
  11. “This is really stressful.”
  12. “A, B, C, D..”
  13. “Middle finger or index…”
  14. “Both.”
  15. “How long have I been down here? How much time has passed?”
  16. “Is my alarm set for work in the morning?”
  17. “Alright, nice, she’s pulling me up.”
  18. “Is she gonna return the favor or…”
  19. “Mom always said not to give with the expectation of receiving.”
  20. “Oh, shit, she’s going down!”
  21. “I just wanna thank god.”
  22. “I should trim tomorrow.”
  23. “So, what’s our first position here…”
  24. “Okay, do I just lay here while she’s on top…”
  25. “Have fun up there.”
  26. “Fuck it, time to roll.”
  27. “Missionary. God’s position.”
  28. “Does she want me to choke her? Is that a thing?”
  29. “Nah, too much too soon.”
  30. “What if she thinks I’m boring?”
  31. “Was that my roommate?”
  32. “Oh, whoa, she’s moving my hand to her neck, problem solved.”
  33. “Was that a queef? Play through, play through.”
  34. “Okay, how do I go about this doggy style situation?”
  35. “Wait, I almost forgot about that ankle on the shoulders thing.”
  36. “Hold it together, don’t pop yet.”
  37. “Think about baseball.”
  38. “I don’t even watch baseball, actually.”
  39. “Fever Pitch was such a good movie.”
  40. “Alright, let’s flip her over.”
  41. “Tell the Vatican I’ve found the Holy Grail.”
  42. “Do I want an eye contact thing?”
  43. “Does she?”
  44. “I should tell her I’m almost done.”
  45. “She wants me to finish on her stomach, how beautiful.”
  46. “Did I buy paper towels the other day?”
  47. “I wish the light was on, she’s really cute.”
  48. “Oh, my god.”
  49. “….”
  50. “..!!”
  51. “I should make us breakfast in bed.”
  52. “Or, ya know, if she wants to go home then go home. I don’t care. I wonder what my ex is up to?”