6 Generalizations Gay Men Are Tired Of Hearing


1. We don’t all want to be your best friend

I recently attended a wedding in the Midwest, and I’m not lying when I say 5-7 girls came up to me at the reception and asked me if we could be BFFs. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the acceptance, but just because I’m gay does not mean I’m dying to be your best friend. Do I have a lot of lady friends? Yes. Does that mean you’re one of them right off the bat? Friendship doesn’t work that way.

2. We don’t all want to jump your bones

There seems to be a general misconception that all gay people want to bang anything with a peen. While this may be true for some gays (and straights for that matter), a lot of us actually have standards. Some of us wait for sex, and some of us even wait ‘til we’re in relationships for sex. SHOCKING. And hey, if we want to jump your bones, that’s okay too, but it doesn’t mean just because you have bones we want to jump them. Calm down.

3. We don’t all love Madonna

I get the whole Madge-as-gay-icon thing, I really do. But honestly? She does nothing for me. This isn’t to say that I don’t appreciate all she’s done for the gay community, but I’m more of a Kelly Clarkson gay myself. Meaning, vocal quality is something I actually care about. (Though Kelly Clarkson did cover a Madonna song at one of her concerts, and I loved it.)

4. Please don’t automatically set us up with your other gay friend

The following scenario has happened to me more times than I can count:

Straight person: You’re gay?
Me: Yes.

Straight person: You’re single?
Me: Yes.
Straight person: Oh my god, you have to meet my friend, you’d be perfect for each other.

Just because we’re both attracted to men doesn’t mean we’re soul mates. Tell me about your friend — what does he like to do? What’s his personality like? Again, I’ll probably agree to meet him, but stop assuming that just because I’m gay and single that I’m automatically perfect for every other person that’s gay and single.

5. We don’t all hate lesbians

You know how you always hear about the ongoing feud between gays and lesbians? It’s not real, people. I have a ton of lesbian friends and am kind of obsessed with them. Do I get the fascination with lady parts? Obviously not. Likewise, they probably don’t understand my fascination with male anatomy. That doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.

6. We don’t all have “gaydar”

Gaydar is not real. You can’t tell whether or not somebody is gay by the way they dress, or talk, or by the things in which they are interested. All you’re doing is perpetuating gender stereotypes, which is just kind of crappy. I know gays that wear flannel and I know gays that wear glitter. Likewise, just because a straight guy dresses well doesn’t mean he likes the “d”. You know what they say about people who assume.