6 Reasons Why Winter Doesn’t Suck


I live in Iowa, so winters are unavoidable. I’ve lived here my entire life, so I know a thing or two about the miseries that accompany the exit from autumn. And while it seems that many people grumble and gripe throughout the snow season, I try to enjoy it and stick to bitching about it only for the sake of conversation (since talking about the weather is all we do here in Iowa, pretty much), and herein are some reasons why.

1. Ho-ho-holidays!

I freaking love Christmas. I greatly enjoy spending too much money on decorations for the house, attempting to make handmade gifts for my dysfunctional family (and even more dysfunctional group of friends), forcing my child to watch the old stop-motion version of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer despite its underlying hint of sexism, and so on. You can’t tell me that you don’t wake up on Christmas morning happy to be alive. Because you really effin’ should.

2. Two Words: Winter. Fluff.

Coinciding with #1, this is the only time of year when the vast majority of us stop caring what we look like underneath our ugly sweaters. You won’t feel so bad about taking two cookies out of the tin that your coworker brought to work, or having an extra helping of ice cream. Nevermind that come springtime you’ll need to subsist on water and plain lettuce alone to get your fluff off, because there’s no way you’re going to be able to resist all the turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, sweet potato casserole, homemade rolls, ham, cheesy potatoes, eggnog, green bean casserole, cookies, candy, plus leftovers galore. The best part is that nobody is going to judge you for eating your weight in pie. Pie.

3. The Booze Prevails.

Contrary to what you might think, there are actually plenty of things to do during winter. Snowmobiling, skiing, snowboarding, sledding, ice fishing, deer hunting, snowman-making, snowball throwing at unsuspecting victims, bobsledding, polar plunging, snow-shoeing, and igloo-building are fulfilling outdoor activities that will help you pass the time and enjoy yourself, especially if you’re smuggling a bottle of Fireball in your coveralls, you know, to keep warm. But if none of those appeal to you, there’s always the option of enjoying your alcohol at home, under a quilt, watching Netflix. Either way.

4. Beards Errywhere.

Once and for all, beards are sexy.

5. Cuddling=Survival, Knowmsayin’?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it’s mothereffin’ cold out. I’m aware. But I’m also aware that, if you’re fortunate enough to have yourself a cuddle buddy, you can use the “it’s-cold-as-a-witch’s-hooha-out” excuse to claim your cuddling rights and it will work every damn time. “Please come over, I may freeze to death unless I have your body next to mine.” Everyone knows that the best way to treat hypothermia is to get nekkid with another person. It’s only rational.

6. It Ends.

Believe it or not, there will come a day when you will be able to go outside without a coat. And you will appreciate the glories of summer (beaches, outdoor concerts, minimal clothing, hot bodies…) all the more after having suffered through yet another long-ass, cold, wet, icy winter!