6 Things You Must Stop Worrying About IMMEDIATELY

1. What Everyone Else Thinks Of You

Everyone else is an idiot. That’s how you should think about it. Why do you care what a bunch of idiots think about you? The only reason you might care about what other people think about you is because you probably think that thing about you too. Fix the way you think about yourself–learn to love yourself–and all that other noise will eventually fade to mute.

2. Your Body

Your body looks stupid. Whether it’s skinny or fat, flesh is absolutely absurd. Think about how crazy your body must look to an animal, or an alien, if such thing exists. But you have it, and it’s yours, and you’re stuck in it, at least until they invent Freaky Friday technology, so the sooner you accept you are trapped in your body the sooner you will be content to get around in it. Sing with me: “I WOKE UP LIKE THIS”.

3. Being Politically Correct All The Time

I believe in the power of intention. A misogynist is someone who hates women and expresses said contempt to the end of being purposefully nasty. A regular person is someone, like me, who might call a woman a bitch from time to time, it, or just enjoy an action movie that doesn’t pass the Bechdel test, because not everything has to be absolutely inclusive of everyone all the time. Just because something isn’t perfectly feminist (or any other race/gender/sexuality thing) it doesn’t mean it’s anti-feminist. There’s no point feeling guilty about this stuff, enjoy what you enjoy, say what you say, be sensitive to people’s individual propriety but don’t sweat being the paragon of political correctness all the time–it’s boring, and narrow minded.

4. Assholes

One thing I can tell you unequivocally is that nothing is personal. If someone is an asshole to you, that’s their shit. It’s absolutely a reflection on them, and it’s got nothing to do with you. Brush it off. Move on. There’s plenty of non-assholes in the world.

5. Your Horoscope

Horoscopes are not real. You know how I know? Because I do. If you want to read something a certain way, you will, and horoscopes are specially crafted so that anyone can read anything into them. Congratulations, you are a victim of the power of suggestion.

6. The Internet

The Internet is the most wonderful and the most ludicrous place on earth. Lists (like this one, probably), infinite pictures of cute shit, quizzes like “Which Movie Retard Are You”, celebrity gossip, Twitter beef and most importantly OTHER PEOPLE’S OPINIONS are all actually completely useless things. Learn to switch off, if not physically, be able to divorce yourself emotionally from all the drivel you see on the Internet.