7 Frustrating Things That Happen When You’re An Independent Girl (Who’s Open About Her Feelings)

1. You don’t let feelings get in the way of anything more important or imperative but you know that feelings can’t just be separated from any of the most difficult things in life: business, tough choices, relationships, etc. They all require your attention to feelings, even though it feels like everyone else thinks you should take them out of the equation.

2. You take care of yourself while taking care of anything and anyone else who needs it, no matter how busy you are. You need to be needed. This isn’t a form of dependence that people can call you out on, but you depend just as much as other people needing you as the people who need others depend on those others—sound confusing? Because it confuses your feelings of independence like no other.

3. You use logic to make your choices, especially the ones where logic might not be the most important factor. What does logic say about the long distance relationship you know you want to be in? You’re open about the way you feel, but you never know how to open up the rest of your life to those feelings—how does an independent, strong-willed girl reconcile the fact that she knows she wants the most illogical option?

4. You aren’t a pushover and you won’t be guilted into acting in any certain way, but you constantly consider how you feel and how your actions might make others feel, and you consider their feelings to a fault. It makes making every ‘right’ choice that much harder, because you can see a little bit of sense in most people’s actions, even when most people would label them dead wrong.

5. You don’t feel bad for having emotions but you do constantly question yourself, your intentions, your wants and how they play into your actions: “am I making a smart choice?” Sometimes you feel like being smart means not being emotional at all, and that makes you feel stupid, even though that’s the furthest thing from the truth. Emotional intelligence is real, and you use it to your advantage most of the time—but sometimes you wish you could be more cold and unfeeling so you didn’t need to ‘waste time’ worrying about it.

6. You take the time to really consider your options before you share your feelings and this leads to a kind of endless questioning, self-doubt, and eternal struggle of overthinking. You see this as a necessity, though. You ask tough questions that you have strong feelings about, and then you answer them for yourself. And ask again. And answer with a new question, and that question brings up a new concern. It’s self-preservation for your own well-being and sanity, right? Isn’t it? Maybe not. Well, in ways—Oh, damnit.

7. You know how to articulate what you feel until you don’t, and that’s pretty rare. You respect people who can use their words to maturely express their feelings in a productive way, so the most difficult thing of all is when you’re the person whose feelings make them so utterly frustrated that all you can say is, like, um, okay…”what the fuck, brain?” And then you go do something awesome and get the fuck over through*** it, because you are responsible for your own feelings and you don’t wallow. “But still,” you think, “why the fuck do I need to have feelings?” Then you remember—cheesy as it sounds—that your sensitivity, vulnerability, and your awareness of your own weakness are all your greatest, most powerful strengths. And that self-aware power in itself? That’s never anything to feel bad about.