7 Reasons You Made The Right Decision By Staying In Tonight


^The purpose of this article, like many articles, is to simply tell you exactly want you want to hear — so who really knows if staying in was the best call? Maybe if you went out, you would’ve met your future spouse. Maybe you would’ve been really happy for 8 years, super distant for 3, and beyond repair for two. The possibilities are endless! (As are the combinations of sides you can get at Cracker Barrel.)

Anyway, in case you need someone to tell you that you made the right decision, I’m here, as a faceless semi-human writing on the internet, to let you know that you made a great call. Here are 7 2015-era reasons why:

1. Going Out To A Bar Actually Doesn’t Have Much To Do With Meeting Someone New 

Frankly, going out and trying to meet people in real life seems semi-irresponsible nowadays. Swipe, message, and then meet up. The bar is simply an unnecessary middleman — reserved not for courtship, but for going out with your old college friends and saying things like “I get to travel a lot for work.”

2. There’s That Book In The Corner That You Can Start Reading, And Then Suddenly Be Smart

I received Ayn Rand’s books — Atlas Shrugged and The Fountainhead — as a gift a few years ago. Like most people, I got around 300 pages into each of them, and then got too caught up in watching Friday Night Lights to seriously continue.

A few years later and a little more falsely confident about worldviews, I’ve been meaning to pick them back up, read them, and then never shut up about them. You may be “so busy” the rest of the time, but not on a Friday night.

3. Remember How Much Money You Spent Last Week? 

Probably more than you wanted to. Sorry for putting words in your mouth — maybe you didn’t actually spend any money last week, and have a sizeable chunk of change ready for a social engagement. Maybe you’re a baller on a budget. Maybe you’re even a baseball player on a budget. I’m really just projecting my deficiencies onto you.

4. You Probably Know Exactly How Tonight’s Gonna Go Down

If the plan was to do the same thing you usually do with the same people, you’ve gained enough experience to know exactly what you’re missing out on.

Statistically speaking, you’re probably not missing out on the night of your life.

5. Pitbull And Fiscal Irresponsibility 

Speaking of the night of your life, note the lyrics to Pitbull’s new song “Time Of Our Lives“:

I knew my rent was gon’ be late about a week ago
I worked my ass off, but I still can’t pay it though
But I got just enough to get off in this club
Have me a good time before my time is up

There are at least dozens of questions pertaining to fiscal responsibility that need to be answered here, but I’m just wondering how ridiculous this apartment must be if Mr. Worldwide himself is struggling to pay the rent.

6. Adults Sometimes Spend Friday Nights On Cars.com

Sometimes, you need a car. Why not spend Friday night on Cars.com? They’ve been putting in the work on the commercials since like 2004. Remember that one where the cars go down all the different vortex tubes, and then they all get weeded out until the perfect car arrives? What a classic.

7. You Can Get Up Early Tomorrow And “Get A Good Start To The Day”

You can also tell people how you want to get a good start to the day, which is equally, if not more important than actually getting a good start to the day.