8 Things I Learned From Being Single AF For One Whole Year


1. I can accomplish so much more than I dreamed I could.

Anyone who knows me well enough knows how neurotic I am, always working on something, I’m just restless in general. But I noticed an annoying thing I do in relationships, which is tending to the needs of my partner instead of putting my priorities first. Now that I’m putting myself first I have watched so much of my hard work pay off and it’s the best feeling in the world.

2. Just because I accept someone else’s flaws doesn’t mean they will accept mine.

I reflect a lot on the past and that includes past relationships. All of my relationships have obviously “failed”, or ended so I’ve reflected on the characteristics of the guys I tend to be attracted to. All of the guys I have been with had red flags initially, but I appreciated them still- their flaws were something real and authentic– but these beautiful flawed men couldn’t accept me for who I am, which in my opinion is the worst form of rejection. I’ve had to forgive myself for letting myself believe that everyone loves the way that I do because not everyone has my patient nature and I’m not always attracted to those who do. And that’s okay.

3. I’m tired of attraction only leading to sex.

I had a little girl crush on this guy last semester, like butterflies and everything, it was awesome. However, knowing the potential of getting hurt, I tried to stay away from him, but having mutual friends and being the approachable person I am, he eventually got me talking. We briefly got to know each other, but after months of on and off only getting ahold of me when he was drunk, and wanted to “do stuff” he disappeared and moved on. I really did enjoy him as a person and I don’t think he was trying to use me, but in retrospect, he was clearly in it out of physical attraction. I just wish that people saw me for the interesting life I lead instead of just the body who happens to live it.

4. Amazing things can happen when you keep an open mind.

I was really adamant about my decision not to participate in Greek life when I first transferred to my current university. Though I had no reason to be so cynical towards it because I never gave it a chance. This past semester I decided to see what Sigma Alpha Iota (a professional women’s music fraternity) was all about so I attended rush week. It was such an eye opening experience, such a positive environment, that I accepted my bid. After a rewarding process I have wonderful sisters and get so many opportunities to impact, learn, connect with, and serve others through music.

5. I can hold my own and my liquor.

I am fully capable of going out on my own and making it home to my own bed. Many of my exes disliked me going out and didn’t trust the guys at the bar (or me for that matter) so I became nervous that I couldn’t handle myself. Part of me could understand the concern because I’m little, but I’ve had my share of negative experiences and I learned from them like anyone else. Over my year of being single, I have been able to walk myself to and from the bar, parties, etc. There is something really empowering about knowing you can take care of yourself because at the end of the day you’re all you have.

6. Some nights are excruciatingly lonely.

It’s really tough when you’re inevitably having a bad day and you’re on your own at the end of the night; especially when you know what it’s like to go home to someone who will admire you no matter how much you screwed up, or how much of a shitty day you had. This was probably one of the hardest parts for me to accept, but it gets easier.

7. Never underestimate the power of friendship.

Sometimes you just need to surround yourself with people who get you, the people who make you laugh so hard you feel like you got an ab workout. People who don’t judge you for your bad days and accept you for all your quirks and things you would normally be insecure about. I feel like I appreciate these people and recognize many more of them as a single woman.

8. I’ve learned a lot about myself.

It’s easy to get caught in the shadow of a lover. It can be difficult distinguishing yourself from them, or separating their perception of you from who you really are. I was extremely guilty of needing approval from a man to feel okay with myself, but I have learned fast that who I am varies day to day. I have invested in a self-help therapy journal that has been rewarding and it is making all the difference.