8 Things Only Outdoor Runners Will Understand

Three months ago I began training for a half-marathon. At first I thought the canal would be a great place to run, but I was wrong.

1. When walkers don’t move.

I can see that you two are slowly walking and chatting side by side in your yoga pants posting instagram pics of the lovely Erie Canal, but get the hell out of my way! I’m the one running 10 miles here, and I know you can hear my breathing coming up behind you. Side step you millennials.

2. When old people bike or walk.

Where ya going sir? Pick a friggin’ side of the canal! You are not only confusing me, but you are making me run all over the place to avoid you. Just because you are old does not mean I wont run at you until you move.

3. Bikers who don’t look up.

Hi, yes, hello, I am running here! Look up bro, or face a lawsuit for running my ass over.

4. Bikers who tap your shoulder as they pass you.

Did I just shove you off your bike? Yes, I did. If it isn’t bad enough having someone come up behind you, you have to touch my shoulder! Of course it is my first instinct to think I am getting mugged, so off your bike you go. Lucky for you I couldn’t whip out my pocketknife fast enough.

5. People with dogs.

It’s so great that people want to walk their dogs on the canal, but keep them away from me! There is nothing worse then having a dog come running at you because an owner decided that their dog could be off their leash on the canal. Worst-case scenario is that it’s a husky and your face gets ripped off. Best-case scenario, you are already in shape so the extra burst of speed you have to utilize improves your stamina. Oh, and pick up your dog’s shit ok?

6. The people who try to race you.

What the hell are you doing? You obviously can’t keep the pace I’m running at, so why are you speeding up to pass me, then slowing back down to the point where I have to pass you again. Is this some sort of sick game? Stop, you lose.

7. The people who make comments as you pass.

You think I don’t hear you, but I do. Just because I am running and you are not, does not mean you can say rude things behind my back (literally). You don’t know my life!

8. Geese.

Absolutely. Terrifying. Animals. They clog up the canal path with their whole gaggle and leave you no room to run by. Then, if they have babies with them, you’re screwed. The parents start making that hissing sound and chase you. You better be ready to run for your life or face the wrath of some pissed off mamma geese.

I don’t run on the canal anymore and am facing some charges for shoving a biker off into the canal. He tapped me, so it was necessary. Happy running!