9 People You Become On Payday


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1. Diddy

Straight up, you feel like you’re Sean Combs. Your net worth might not be $580 million but anyone who runs into you between Friday at 5pm and $0 in your bank account can’t tell. You go out, you buy drinks for friends, you buy drinks for strangers, you swipe, swipe, swipe with reckless abandon. It may be short-lived, but you immediately make lavish, baller moves in exchange for being restricted to dollar menus and aggressive phone calls from your various service providers seeking payment.

2. The This Time I’m Really Going To Spend Wisely Hopeful

Pinch those pennies! Cut those coupons! Be highly conscious of your funds, convincing yourself that this paycheck WILL NOT be wasted. It’ll feel like you haven’t spend a single cent in forever, but it’s actually just Friday evening, 12 hours after the check hit your account. By Sunday evening you’ll have spent a large portion and you’ll dejectedly, officially throw in the towel on the frugal routine, rescheduling ‘economical’ you to appear next payday.

3. The Treat Yo Self Person

You’re essentially the practical version of that Puff Daddy character described earlier. You’ll indulge a bit, but it’s things like buying yourself froyo and a new pair of jeans, or ordering a Venti frap instead of Grande and having takeout from an expensive Italian restaurant — not popping bottles of overpriced alcohol in a club or spending in an excessive, wasteful manner.

4. The Person Who Cashes Their Paycheck And Shares A Photo Of Their Money On Instagram So Everyone Can See How Loaded They Are.

In reality you do this because you’re hash tag insecure and find an odd sense of confidence and pride in receiving Instagram likes from social media followers who are under the impression that you’re well off. Keep hash tag stacking paper and we’ll keep calling you a hash tag jackass.

5. The Uncontrollable Internet Shopper

I understand you. I accept you. You convince yourself in advance that you’re just going to browse for fun, but deep down you know what’s about to happen. The moment you get an opportunity to hit eBay or Amazon or  any online store with a decent inventory, you’re going to search far and wide until you find things you can’t/won’t/don’t want to refuse to buy.

6. Off The Grid Guy/Gal

This says less about you and more about the people in your life. When having money makes you feel the urge to avoid others, it’s likely because they are beggars who are going to ask for a piece of your pie. Now it might be close friends or family members requesting your help, so perhaps you don’t want to refer to them as “beggars” – maybe try leech, scrounger, panhandler, parasite, freeloader or even hobo. You live that witness protection-esque, under the radar lifestyle until you’re broke and couldn’t handout to others if you wanted to.

7. Highly Motivated To Find A New Jobber

After all those hours of hard labor, seeing the final result of your efforts in your bank account is a massive disappointment. How can a person work so hard yet be so poor? This letdown encourages you to devise an exit strategy that allows you to take your services to a place that’s willing to compensate you sufficiently. The tricky part here is staying inspired. You may aggressively job hunt for a day or two, but the instant your workweek begins you’re preoccupied and less enthusiastic about it – until that subpar paycheck rears its discouraging head again, reseting the cycle.

8. Carefree McGee

You are frustratingly cavalier and may not even notice that it’s payday because you’re financially stable. You don’t struggle and stress about money, or live that brutal paycheck-to-paycheck life. Good for you.

9. The Responsible Magician

A black hole of bills allows you to perform a mind-blowing magic trick in which you make an entire paycheck disappear in the blink of an eye. Presto!