12 Things You Didn’t Know About Your Mother
By Michael Koh
1. She’s fat.
Your momma is so fat, she’s “Large, Single, and ready to Pringle.”
[protected-iframe id=”93abcb070d865a54300bdcee24755e91-7369149-5398931″ info=”//giphy.com/embed/LtW0kShwoOAhy” width=”500″ height=”332″ frameborder=”0″ webkitallowfullscreen=”” mozallowfullscreen=”” allowfullscreen=””]
2. She’s ugly.
Your momma is so ugly that her face is blurred on her driver’s license.
[protected-iframe id=”580746c41811f14335c0c296d47f09f2-7369149-5398931″ info=”//giphy.com/embed/CzbvkXs2DxUek” width=”500″ height=”399″ frameborder=”0″ webkitallowfullscreen=”” mozallowfullscreen=”” allowfullscreen=””]
3. She’s greasy.
Your momma is so greasy that she uses bacon as a band-aid!
[protected-iframe id=”5d9488ea55ee0d27be7144647f45d369-7369149-5398931″ info=”//giphy.com/embed/11WLg6RNVZ6Hxm” width=”500″ height=”371″ frameborder=”0″ webkitallowfullscreen=”” mozallowfullscreen=”” allowfullscreen=””]
4. She’s dirty.
Your momma is so dirty that when she tried to take a bath, the water jumped out and said “I’ll wait.”
[protected-iframe id=”398c51d98db19cd2bbad5d1c6f36e4e5-7369149-5398931″ info=”//giphy.com/embed/QHXvwJwtUBLBm” width=”500″ height=”380″ frameborder=”0″ webkitallowfullscreen=”” mozallowfullscreen=”” allowfullscreen=””]
5. She’s nasty.
Your momma is so nasty that she makes Speed Stick slow down.
[protected-iframe id=”7b8f4b37c231832cdd0547279bc9a5c8-7369149-5398931″ info=”//giphy.com/embed/8Te02GlgsBp3a” width=”500″ height=”375″ frameborder=”0″ webkitallowfullscreen=”” mozallowfullscreen=”” allowfullscreen=””]
6. She’s stupid.
Your momma is so stupid that it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!
[protected-iframe id=”85f97a27bb95b02b3809b9860036ce56-7369149-5398931″ info=”//giphy.com/embed/unSKPb6uiO8JG” width=”500″ height=”281″ frameborder=”0″]
7. She’s short.
Your momma is so short that she makes Gary Coleman look like Shaquille O’Neal.
[protected-iframe id=”57349c843071cee340375f8ab46d52ba-7369149-5398931″ info=”//giphy.com/embed/10RrvZ3MT4EIE” width=”500″ height=”318″ frameborder=”0″ webkitallowfullscreen=”” mozallowfullscreen=”” allowfullscreen=””]
8. She’s poor.
Your momma is so poor that I saw her running after a garbage truck with a shopping list.
[protected-iframe id=”82eaa0161e5f161d191d4aa59ce14048-7369149-5398931″ info=”//giphy.com/embed/pwXqpzXwIs9jy” width=”500″ height=”436″ frameborder=”0″ webkitallowfullscreen=”” mozallowfullscreen=”” allowfullscreen=””]
9. She’s tall.
Your momma is so tall that if she did a backflip, she’d kick Jesus in the mouth.
[protected-iframe id=”246194596111368485ac1faba2b464b0-7369149-5398931″ info=”//giphy.com/embed/MEC3SYKgpvBdK” width=”500″ height=”304″ frameborder=”0″ webkitallowfullscreen=”” mozallowfullscreen=”” allowfullscreen=””]
10. She’s skinny.
Your momma is so skinny that if she had a yeast infection she’d be a Quarter Pounder with Cheese.
[protected-iframe id=”75760aa64cea96d2b81d0f24bf466e78-7369149-5398931″ info=”//giphy.com/embed/QHBsD8lkavgm4″ width=”500″ height=”250″ frameborder=”0″ webkitallowfullscreen=”” mozallowfullscreen=”” allowfullscreen=””]
11. She’s hairy.
Your momma is so hairy that she looks like Bigfoot in a tank top.
[protected-iframe id=”d06f8fe8daebd1b85294e6cd9d4bb60d-7369149-5398931″ info=”//giphy.com/embed/KBUSBHjfHSPjW” width=”500″ height=”280″ frameborder=”0″ webkitallowfullscreen=”” mozallowfullscreen=”” allowfullscreen=””]
12. She’s really stupid.
Your momma is so stupid that when she took an IQ test, the results came out negative.
[protected-iframe id=”b891a34543c17ef8df5886c46d60d36c-7369149-5398931″ info=”//giphy.com/embed/BYqTpnoFvWhpK” width=”500″ height=”235″ frameborder=”0″ webkitallowfullscreen=”” mozallowfullscreen=”” allowfullscreen=””]