Watching A Random Episode Of A TV Show I’ve Never Seen: Gilmore Girls Edition

For some reason I decided it would be interesting to watch an episode of a random show that I’ve never seen and see how much I can make my head hurt while writing a running diary. This could either be awesome or the worst thing ever written.

What Show: Gilmore Girls, Season 5 Episode 17: Pulp Friction
Why: I had heard of the show, but decided I needed to do this when the internet went crazy that it was added to Netflix. This episode was chosen mostly out of my love for Mr. Quentin Tarantino.
What I Know: Not too much except that my girl Lauren Graham is the star. I can’t count the number of times that she has made me cry on Parenthood.

We don’t get a previously on. Damn you Netflix.

0:00: Some guy is yelling about people returning ribbons. Kirk, the ribbon guy is having a back and forth with Luke. Apparently Luke just reconciled with someone named Lorelei and somehow that is related to the ribbons. Now Kirk is in a screaming match with a woman named Lulu. She won’t give back the ribbon because its pink. “This is bigger than your love of pink,” yells Kirk as he chases after her. This guy is quite the character. Here comes my girl Lauren though to save us. My detective skills tell me that she is Lorelei because she is kissing Luke. Like a nice boyfriend he offers her coffee. “Say that slower and with your pants off,” responds Lauren. Wow she is a firecracker, I love it. Next up she does a Godfather impersonation. She is officially my dream girl, this Luke must be a real idiot to of let her go. Kirk has returned with Lulu’s shirt which happens to have the ribbon on it. Poor Lulu is now off wandering the streets with no shirt.

0:02: Judging from the opening credits this is a buddy cop show starring a young girl and Lauren Graham. OMG Melissa McCarthy is in this!!!! Why did no one tell me this? Now I understand the internet’s obsession.

0:03: Here comes the young girl from the credits and she is with my boy Cary from The Good Wife. This show is bringing out all of my favorites. Judging by Cary’s turtleneck he is rich. He has a key to cafeteria so its time for some ice cream. Young girl get sidetracked though by some cocoa puffs. Puffs and ice cream, someone is going to have a stomach ache tomorrow. She wants to pay for her puffs. Thats not how stealing works you silly girl. As they go to find the ice cream she leaves some money, what a sweetheart. That is a power couple if I’ve ever seen one.

0:05: My girl Lauren and Melissa McCarthy are together. And Melissa is pregnant. And yes I will most likely refuse to use their character names. Travel Magazine is coming to photograph them for being one of the top 10 inns in Connecticut. To make matters even better there are cakes on every table. Now that is my kind of inn. A flamboyant gentlemen named Michelle comes in. I think he asks who missed Michelle but not sure since I can’t understand a word that is coming out of his mouth. He just got back from California where he found a place that everyone talks like him. I need to get that address so I make sure to never go there. He brought gifts: a snow globe for Lauren and a book for Melissa. Kind of a crappy present for Melissa, she could get a book anywhere. Guess what Michelle says. Lauren answers, “You got your boobs done by same person who did Pamela Anderson’s.” Boom Lauren served him. Apparently he got scouted to be on The Price is Right while at the farmers market. Melissa ain’t buying what he’s selling. Michelle admits he might’ve had to stand in line and wear a crazy shirt to get on the show. Despite his lies he won over $100,00 in cash and prizes. Then why the cheap gifts asks Lauren. Another strong zinger from my girl. Lauren 2, Michelle 0.

0:08: Kirk wants these ribbons so bad that he followed a lady into the bathroom to retrieve hers. Lauren is inhaling some fries and now she wants some pie. Bad news though lame Luke didn’t save her a piece of pie. She left him a voicemail but he isn’t smart enough to check it. I’m not buying it, even my grandma can do that. Lauren puts herself number one on his speed dial, but what about the voicemail?? It seems kind of a big step considering you guys just reconciled. She is heading back to the inn and reminds Luke that they have a date on Sunday. “I’ll leave you a voicemail letting you know your chances of getting lucky,” she says. Please someone help this poor guy learn to check his voicemail! On her way out Kirk tells her she is beating Luke with the ribbons. What is the deal with these damn ribbons? Loser in the ribbon contest pays for dinner. Luke doesn’t remember agreeing to that. “I must have left that on your voicemail,” says Lauren. If this was NBA Jam she would be on fire.

0:11: We now find out that the buddy cops are mother and daughter. They’re going to go shopping later. The young girl is going to Friday night dinner which prompts an evil laugh from Lauren. How bad could this dinner be?

0:12: Judging by his personality Kirk seems to be pretty lonely. “You probably sleep over at each other’s houses,” he asks Luke about his relationship. Personal question brah. Lulu is his first girlfriend. Might not be his girlfriend for much longer after the shirt incident I’m thinking. “I had an imaginary girlfriend but she left me,” he says. Also he lives with his mother, who is supposedly allergic to Lulu. I didn’t get much of a glimpse of Lulu but I’m thinking she could do better. Luke is life coaching Kirk, telling him he needs to grow up and be a man. Interesting coming from a 40-year old that’s always wearing a backwards baseball cap.

0:14: Lauren’s daughter is at a rich persons house. This must be the dreaded Friday night dinner. Rory is her name and these are her grandparents. In that five-seconds we just scored some real valuable intel. Grandma is being pretty snotty to the maid Olympia. Bombshell dropped by Rory that Mama isn’t coming tonight. Grandma looks real sad as she stares off at the now extra plate. Why isn’t Lauren coming? She might get Olympia fired. Quick fade to black and now dinner is over and Rory is leaving. Grandpa thinks it was a pleasant evening. “What dinner where you at,” replies Grandma. She is so mad that Lauren wasn’t here that she goes straight for a drink. She then refers to Luke as a filthy diner owner and wonders what the problem is. I’m thinking maybe that. Apparently Grandma talked to Luke to help him reconcile with Lauren. They wonder if maybe he didn’t go through with it. Grandma now calls Luke an imbecile. Now I’m getting why Lauren did the evil laugh.

0:17: It’s shopping time. Lauren couldn’t find anything. She is sad that she has no look. It’s so bad that she wants to follow some lady to steal her clothes. Uh oh nice day ruined when they see Logan aka Cary having coffee with another girl. Damn I was about to defend my boy and say they could just be studying, but he is holding hands and gave her a little cheek kiss. Rory isn’t worked up about it but Mom is. Rory says its no big deal cause her and Cary are keeping things casual. “Aren’t you guys sleeping together,” asks Lauren. “Its college,” responds Rory. Play on playa.

0:18: Back to the inn and the reporter is here. Michelle appears to be the front desk attendant, but the only thing he is attending to is causing a scene in front of the reporter.

0:19: Rory is working hard at her desk and here comes Cary aka Mr. Casual. He knows he was busted at the coffee place. She is cool, no strings attached remember she says. Yeah I do remember Natalie Portman could’ve done so much better. And now he wants to get coffee with Rory, what a coffee slut.

0:20: Its time to take some pictures of the inn. Michelle is going off again. His Price is Right winnings are here. It’s an RV and he’s furious that they won’t give him $100,000 instead. He’s being so rude to this poor delivery guy, told him to drop dead. Michelle doesn’t even deserve this RV. They need to move it ASAP though to get these pictures taken. Michelle is going to try and move it but I’m guessing that isn’t going to work out especially since he’s comparing it to a space shuttle. It’s too late the reporter is calling it all off. Lauren is going off on Michelle. You tell him! She should fire him while she’s at it.

0:23: Guy walks up to Rory reading and asks “Business or pleasure.” What a line killa. He gets right to it and invites her to a Quentin Tarantino themed party. Sounds awesome even though this guy seems like a dweeb.

0:24: Michelle is showing his motor home to some people instead of working and for some reason Lauren feels bad about yelling at him. C’mon girl he deserved it, he is a horrible human being. Then just as Michelle is about to take only $20,000 for the motor home Lauren saves the day. Now she is talking it up the customers, what an angel she is. She apologizes to him and he’s still being mean. “I couldn’t run this inn without you,” Lauren says. I have a hard time believing that.

0:27: Wow Lauren is looking good, she must’ve found her look. She calls Rory to tell her that she isn’t feeling it. Rory calms her down and then catches Mom up on her playa ways. Luke shows up and in the upset of the century he isn’t wearing a baseball cap. That must be a work only thing. Instead he is black and leathered out. In his truck she finds a reggae CD and she isn’t digging it. He isn’t a reggae kind of guy according to her. You would think he cheated on her with the CD the way she is acting.

0:30: Time for the Tarantino party. Are these the kind of parties they have at Yale? Makes me wish I was a lot smarter. Australian John Travolta from Pulp Fiction is the birthday boy. Oh snap Cary is here with a date. He is dressed as Bruce Willis from Pulp Fiction, pretty solid choice. We get a real awkward stand off between the two couples.

0:31: Luke and Lauren are back from dinner. This show really doesn’t like showing dinners. They hear a noise in the garage. Luke grabs a shovel, he is ready to bring the pain. What do they find? Kirk is naked and sleeping in a boat. He took Luke’s advice and left his mother’s house. Lauren is letting him stay in Rory’s room for the night. I hope Luke didn’t check the voicemail because I don’t think he’s getting any tonight.

0:34: Rory’s date Robert is rambling about getting an inheritance and having a bunch of illegitimate kids as life goals. I think he is joking. Australian Travolta is drunk and hits on Rory. Here comes Cary and he looks jealous. He thinks Robert is a jerk. Yep he’s definitely jealous. They run off to the corner and he makes his move. He wants them to go, someone is regretting his casual relationship. Rory is on fire.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRBHlMoE7x8]

0:37: Lauren is real worked up about Rory being a playa. She misses being able to play the mom card with her. Kirk walks by still with no clothes and Luke chases after him. Maybe Luke will get lucky tonight.

0:39: Here comes Grandma into the diner and watch out she looks pissed. “What is wrong with you besides your obvious lack of fashion sense,” she yells at Luke. Damn she really hates this guy. He secretly calls Lauren and puts the convo on speakerphone. Look who can use his phone all of a sudden! Lauren makes her entrance. Grandma wants all the credit for fixing their relationship but apparently she is the one who broke it. That doesn’t surprise me considering all the shots at Luke. Damn Lauren tells Momma to shut up. “I got to say I’m suddenly a big fan of speed dial,” adds Luke. Well done sir.

0:41: Rory tells her mom that Kirk asked if he could stay at her dorm. Kirk needs to be locked up. The ladies gossip about their love lives.

0:42: Michelle has sold the motor home, but guess what he finds in it. Come on you can do it. Yes, Kirk and he is still naked! In summary we have seen Kirk take a woman’s shirt off her in public, follow a woman into the restroom, ask to live in a young girl’s dorm and break into both a shed and motor home. Like I said lock him up.

Conclusion: It’s killing me not knowing the deal with those damn ribbons. Why were they so special? And most importantly: FREE MELISSA MCCARTHY!!!