The next time you hear, “It really isn’t you, it’s me,” my advice is to perhaps not take it with a grain of salt. But actually, believe him.

Breakups or taking a break are just horrifying, in general, especially if no one was being emotionally or physically harmed. Or how about when no one ends on bad terms aka a big blowout where you curse each other out or say something that we would often be filled with regrets over down the line…

At least, that is what my ex told me when he broke up with me over a month ago.

So, the real question comes down to— is it really over when an ex wants to take a break or completely break it off when they tell you how great you are, but they need to focus on themselves?

Well, here are some tips to remaining calm, as well as taking into consideration what can be bothering him:

1. HE GOT COLD FEET

Have you thought about that maybe he was just really into you and it freaked him out? Aka, did he just get out of a relationship with someone not too long ago (or did you) and he never fully took care of himself.

2. HE WANTS TO BE FULLY INVESTED FIRST

Yet, he is not right now; and it is not a bad thing. If a guy is upfront with you on how he does want to be with you, but he cannot right now, just ask him why. Too many women often freak out with this one; perhaps, just ask and if he gives you a legit answer, leave it.

3. YOU SCARE/INTIMIDATE HIM

It is not uncommon that maybe he just put you on a pedestal and he is afraid that he cannot live up to how great he really thinks you are.

4. CAREER EVALUATION

Maybe he was not happy with where he was career-wise and saw how dedicated and ambitious you were, so he realized he needed to make a change. And right now, he needs his space to do so.

5. FINANCIAL ISSUES

Seriously, this does happen a lot and even though you tell him that you do not care where you two go or buy, as long as you are together that is key, he does care

Seriously though, I kept asking so many family and friends what was up on my own recent experience. The truth is when you find yourself reuniting with an ex and falling back into a weird, “We can kiss, f**k, and talk about how great we are together and perfect. But I don’t want to date at all,” be honest with yourself about what YOU want.

There is never shame if yes, you are always going to want more with them.

In reality, the real reason why you should listen and maybe believe when a guy says this to you—they have feelings too and unlike many of us—especially me—they are not always talkers or do not know how to reveal something.

Be patient. Be cordial and most of all, let them come to you but also do not wait around for them—yes, I know it can sometimes hurt if you want them back. If you have already comprised (a few times too, yes, we have all been there), then take a step back and let the universe work its part. Whatever is meant to be WILL happen.

Just be patient with yourself.