The 5 Stages Of Closure

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Oh, closure. You’re a hard bitch to get to. It’s that stage that you hope you never need – but when the situation all of a sudden gains an expiration date that you didn’t expect, you try to mentally prep yourself and it never works. You’ll inevitably go through some sort of emotional rollercoaster, and it’ll go something like this:

1. Denial

“Wait. Is this really happening? But…life was so good literally two days prior? Am I being crazy?” The mindfuck begins when you question and analyze every miniscule detail of the recent events that transpired and who’s at fault. This stage usually ends with you brushing it off. You think that it’ll get better and that you’re just being silly.

2. Panic

This is it. You sense the end is near. You engage in some last ditch effort in any form (this can range from posting up some hot selfie that you think will spice it up again, or fire up your tinder again to spark some jealousy) to gain some type of response from the other party. When said party does not respond with what you were expecting (or nothing at all…asshole) you slowly gain sight of what’s happening/happened, which brings us to number 3:

3. Sadness

It happened. It’s over. Whatever it was – a crush, a hookup, a relationship — it’s done. This stage is where self-pity creeps up and basically eats your mind, life, soul for x amount of days. Adele, Sam Smith and Taylor Swift become your spirit animals because they’re basically singing your life. Netflix has become your best friend. Alcohol also joins the pity party and livens things up by inducing some tears (and maybe some drunk texting that you will regret in the morning.) There will be at least one day where you forego all personal hygiene and you believe the rest of your life will consist of pizza, wine and sweatpants (which isn’t all that bad, is it?). Don’t fret…the next stage will appear soon enough.

4. Anger

You know you’ve reached this stage when you put away your Cry-in-The-Car playlist. You’ve replaced it with I-hate-you songs like Taylor Swift’s Bad Blood and Ceelo’s Fuck You. You put extra effort into that kickboxing class at the gym..and damn does it feel good. Your perspective has changed from missing the good things to absolutely hating the bad. You see things that remind you of that person and you immediately loathe it, no matter how ridiculous it is. He worked in Finance? Fuck math! He only shopped at Whole Foods? Pretentious prick! (that one isn’t too far-fetched…#letsbehonest)

5. Closure.

Ah, the coveted stage we’ve been waiting for. Cue Johnny Nash’s “I Can See Clearly Now.” You finally see the situation for what it was – or wasn’t – and realize you’re still alive. That’s the tricky little part about tough life situations. They suck, they hurt, and it takes a different amount of time for everyone to get here, but eventually everyone does. You gain an extra spring in your step, you’re untouchable. You’re amazing! You’re flawless…you’re basically Beyonce. The best thing about this stage is that you realize you never stopped being amazing…you just took a detour and now you’re stronger than ever. The road may have been a rocky, shitty one to get here, but everyone’s traveled on it in some form, and we’ve all endured. We’ll always endure.