5 Things I’ve Discovered While Rewatching Buffy The Vampire Slayer

1. Xander is kind of an asshole.

In middle school, I thought Xander was the damn best. He would always swoop in with some joke, easing murderous tension with much needed comedic relief. He was that kinda neurotic, but lovable brunette babe I would have totally crushed on in high school. But rewatching the show, I find myself cringing at him. Like. A lot. Maybe I was just too young when I first watched the show to really understand that whole “nice guy thinking niceness equates to deserving sex” mentality because that’s exactly what Xander is: the false nice guy.

Honestly, the first season is as much Buffy kicking vamp ass as it is Xander complaining that Buffy doesn’t like him. Xander, babe, listen – I get it, I’ve been there. I’ve had crushes on friends. It sucks bro. But she doesn’t OWE you.

Oh, and let’s not forget when he hits up witchy-boo Amy and asks her to cast a love spell on Cordelia. When Amy reminds him that love spells are powerful and have to be pure, he’s basically like, “It’s chill. This is purely a vengeance thing.” C’mon Xan-Xan man. I’m disappointed.

2. Angelus is far more interesting than Angel.

Yikes. Should I go here? Should I just stop right now? This feels sacrilegious, considering Angel and Buffy are a truly beautiful couple to watch. All the feels. Seriously. I feel like apologizing to anyone I ever teased for falling victim to the “Bella & Edward Foreverrrrrr” thinking because yeah, vampire on human action is bizarrely attractive. But still. If you ever try to put Twilight and Buffy in the same arena, I’m gonna have Joss Whedon call you and yell, or something. I mean, I don’t have any connection to him so that probably won’t happen. Just don’t go there.

Angel is fantastic. For sure, no doubt there. BUT AT LEAST ANGELUS TALKS. I understand why Angel is so broody, but I just wish he had a tiny bit more personality. Sure, Angelus is a piece-of-shit, evil monster, but he’s got some screen presence! He does more than just sulk in his trench coat. Maybe that’s why Buffy is just making out with him all the time (not that I mind). What else are they gonna do? Can you even imagine Angel in couples counseling? Oh god. SAY SOMETHING!

3. Giles is a serious mega-babe.

How. Did. I. Not. Realize. This. Omg. Giles. Will. You. Be. My. Watcher????

I guess I was too busy drooling over Spike that I didn’t even appreciate how gorgeous Giles is. Is this part of growing up? Starting to lust after dudes in tweed jackets who could wax poetic with me over a cup of coffee? Whatever the reason, I’m infatuated every time Giles graces the screen. I’ve been texting one of my friends (the ultimate Joss Whedon fan) and I think this pretty much sums it up:

4. Willow’s sexuality seems a little unexplored.

Willow is a wonderful character with probably some of the most interesting development. We see her grow more and more into her identity, and I love that. But I have to wonder why the jump to have her identify as a lesbian rather than queer, bisexual, etc. She genuinely loves Tara and they have a beautiful, heart-breaking relationship.

But…she also had a healthy sexual relationship with Oz. And pined for Xander for years. Though there’s never any big coming out conversation with the gang, it seems it just transitions immediately from “Willow likes men” to “Willow likes women.” I think it was well-intentioned in trying to represent the LGBTQ community, but it robs a really good chance of diving a bit deeper into exploring the sexuality spectrum.

5. There shouldn’t be any students still enrolled at Sunnydale High School.

I understand this would you know, end the show, but I can’t help from thinking: WHY AREN’T YA’LL GETTING THE HELL (haaaa, Hell, Hellmouth) OUT OF THIS TOWN?!? With all this freaky shit constantly happening, I’d be yanking my kids out of that high school so damn fast. Homeschooling would be so much safer!

And also, do any real high schoolers hang out at a night club that often? I’m genuinely asking because I didn’t attend any parties in high school. Sooooo, maybe this isn’t that strange. I know The Bronze is chill with letting minors in, but are the parents? Is everyone just sneaking out despite all the constant death surrounding that place? Is teen angst seriously stronger than rational thinking? Actually, probably. Yeah, okay. That makes sense.

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