16 Reasons We Should Ban The “Hey” Text From The Dating World

1. It leaves the onus of picking a conversation topic on you. The sender is flat out saying that they want to talk to you but refuse to indicate a preferred topic or give you any sort of direction.

2. You can’t complain that they didn’t text you… because they did. But they didn’t do a whole lot better. The difference between sending a hey text and not getting a text at all is only 3 letters, so it’s not a huge step up.

3. After receiving the dreaded hey text, you sift through all potential conversation topics in your mind wondering what they could possibly want to talk about. You end up in a full on mental battle about whether to say you’re out and not talk to them, or admit that you’re watching the White House Correspondents’ Dinner and try for some engagement.

4. You give in and try to have a conversation. But seeing as they’re the person who sends 3 letter texts, they also send a “NM” as a response when you ask what they’re up to, which is infuriating because they started this.

5. At least once in your dating career you’ve responded with the same, cold “hey” as an act of rebellion. It was a shining, Mockingjay-like moment for you.

6. No self-respecting person actually believes they will facilitate a strong, healthy relationship out of a three letter text with no punctuation.

7. If you do end up hooking up, you run the risk of over thinking it and realizing that you helped them to get laid because of a one word text.

8. The hey text is the deli meat equivalent of baloney. It’s obnoxious, gross, and shouldn’t exist, but you’re not going to ignore it.

9. It will force you to question whether a hey text is lower on the totem pole than a Facebook chat, g-chat, or email from a work address.

10. Or maybe they sent you the text accidentally while declining your call because the automated response screen popped up… Yeah, that was probably it.

11. You can’t even call a hey text a mixed message. The message simply isn’t long enough for it to be mixed. A smoke signal and/or carrier pigeon would be more direct.

12. You’re ready for people to just be honest and send you a text that says, “Hey! I kind of like you but I’m a bad texter who doesn’t know how to get the ball rolling. Would you like to grab a drink sometime?” That’s (almost) how you get someone to say yes.

13. You’re never close enough with the hey texter to call them out on the fact that it’s a weak move. You could be become closer to them if maybe they strung enough syllables together to arrange a time to meet.

14. Crafting your response is stressful in terms of word count. You need to keep the words to a minimum because if you send a few full sentences (because God forbid you should try to sound human), then it will look like a novel compared to their “hey” on the messaging screen.

15. You feel like when you have to end every text you send with a question mark just to ensure you’ll get a response, which is the rock bottom of functional communication.

16. The hey text makes part of your long for a simpler time when people had to call each other to set up a date. The other part of you realizes that if they called you, you’d be terrified and wouldn’t answer.