The First Birthday After Our Breakup

Yesterday was my birthday—my first birthday after our breakup. It’s been 5 months since you dropped the bomb on me and I’ve been better. I’m happy to say that I even went on a date in these past months, but yesterday was my birthday, and I couldn’t stop thinking of you.

I couldn’t stop thinking about last year, when you and our friends threw me a surprise birthday party. It was the best party I’ve ever attended and the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me. I had so much fun, and it was during this party that you told me you’d never loved anyone like you loved me. We fell asleep holding each other, and I remember I didn’t want to go to sleep because I didn’t want this day to end. The next day, your parents made me a birthday dinner, and I was so happy to be with you and your family.

This year it’s a bit different because we’re not together and our mutual friends stopped talking to me when you broke up with me. I went to dinner with my parents, and my college friends threw me a birthday party. I was happy and grateful that people were there for me, but during that day, I had a hole in my chest. I knew you wouldn’t wish me a happy birthday because when you broke up with me, you acted like I never existed. Still, I waited all day for these two words from you. I wasn’t expecting a long text, I just wanted a small Facebook post from you, but nothing. I knew you wouldn’t do it, but I was still disappointed. I’m pretty sure you only knew it was my birthday because Facebook reminded you, and I’m also pretty sure you got drunk that night with a girl that used to be my friend.

I was always told that the first of everything after a breakup hurts the most; just thinking about celebrating Halloween, Christmas, and Valentine’s Day without you is like a pressure on my chest.

Now, the day after my birthday, I’m okay, and I realized that hard times don’t define us. I was sad yesterday but I’m okay today, and that’s how it’s going to be. Next year on my birthday, I might still be single, but the memories of you will be faded, and I will not associate my birthday with you anymore. I might be in a relationship, and will be happy to celebrate my day with him. I might even be out of the country. I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I do know that if you wouldn’t have broken up with me, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

Being sad on my birthday made me realize that I don’t want to be sad on Halloween or on Christmas or on Valentine’s Day. I spent all of these holidays single until I met you and I always had fun, and that’s what I will do this year.