GET RID OF THESE F*CKING POTHOLES

This is ridiculous.

Absolutely ridiculous.

Isn’t this America? The greatest country on earth? I thought it was, or at least it was the last time I checked. But it can’t be, because my street is covered in POTHOLES. Big, dangerous, hungry potholes, ready to devastate unsuspecting, hardworking people. And what’s the government doing? WELL FROM WHERE I’M SITTING, NOTHING!

I don’t care if the cold weather hasn’t passed yet. I want those potholes filled immediately. I don’t want excuses. Do you know how much I paid for this 2007 Subaru Impreza, Mr. Governor or whatever random government employee I should be pointing my anger toward? Apparently not, because if you did, you certainly would be making a greater effort to preserve its splendor.

It doesn’t matter that I complain about my taxes being too high, but also point out that our local governments don’t have proper funds to even take care of our roads and basic infrastructure. Make it work. Lower my taxes and fix those potholes. Lower the salaries of the city’s employee if you have to. CUT TEACHERS’ SALARIES AGAIN! They earn too much as it is! Reducing their salaries a little more will not have negative long-term consequences. The kids will be fine.

Don’t we have, like, a rainy day fund or something? What the heck is that for? We don’t have hurricanes here! SPEND THAT BITCH. I want that gone by the end of the month.

And make sure to fill in the potholes at night, so you don’t ruin my morning commute. Mondays already suck enough, and now you’re telling me I have to sit in my car, NOT MOVING, for five extra minutes? You can go to Hell.

Also, I want these potholes filled in a way that’s not half-assed. I want a smooth terrain, and I also want it to be sightly, not black lumps all over the road. Disgusting. Please make sure the part-time workers who do this do it right. If not, get rid of them. We deserve the best. None of that gravel-y stuff that gets all over the place. What is that crap anyway? It sticks to my car. It makes my Subaru look like a cheap car. I don’t deserve this. None of us do.

If I were in charge, I would start with the potholes on roads with faster speed limits, and then work my way down. I think that makes sense.

I especially don’t want to see any headlines related to improvements in parks, schools, libraries, or anything of the sort. All funds need to be directed toward pothole repair. This is priority number one.

I don’t think I’m asking for a lot. I just want to be able to drive without any bumps in the road. They make my neck hurt.