31 Intensely Cringeworthy Pickup Lines That Guys Actually Used On Women
1. “I would suck your dad’s dick just to get a taste of the recipe.”
“‘I would suck your dad’s dick just to get a taste of the recipe.’ What do you say to that????”
2. “If it weren’t for your belly you’d be smokin’ hot!”
“‘If it weren’t for your belly you’d be smokin’ hot!’”
3. “Let thy juices secrete.”
“He wrote a love letter/poem to me that included the phrase ‘Let thy juices secrete.’”
4. “I’ll kill myself if you don’t have sex with me.”
“I’ve had two different guys tell me they were going to commit suicide if I didn’t have sex with them.”
5. “It’d be funny if I raped and murdered you.”
“‘We met on Tinder. Our first date, he picks me up in his car and as he’s pulling out of the lot, makes a joke about raping and murdering me.”
6. “Maybe once I give you some of this dick you’ll do as you’re told.”
“Worst goes to a guy I’d met once at a party, and had run into again at another party. He said, ‘Last time we talked I told you to go get me a beer, and you said no. Maybe once I give you some of this dick you’ll do as you’re told.’”
7. “Damn, girl. You shit with that ass?!”
“‘Damn, girl. You shit with that ass?!’”
8. “I want to put chili sauce on your pussy.”
“‘I want to put chili sauce on your pussy.’ The only way it could possibly have made sense is if he was from chile and it was some kind of weird pun about his sperm. Either way, wtf ow”
9. “Yo baby, you ever had your asshole licked by a fat man in an overcoat?”
“Some longhaired dude in a beanie yelled ‘Yo baby, you ever had your asshole licked by a fat man in an overcoat?’ At me as I walked past him and his pudgy heterosexual life mate in Jersey.”
10. “I wouldn’t mind planting a seed in you and watching it grow.”
“‘I wouldn’t mind planting a seed in you and watching it grow.’ Creeped me out so much. Dude looked like he was in his mid 40’s and I was 14.”
11. “I’m done going out with attractive women and now just want to date someone nice like you.”
“A guy told me he was done going out with attractive women and now just wanted to date someone nice instead.
Thanks buddy.”
12. “I work for the county CIA.”
“I had a guy tell me he worked for the county CIA. Pretty sure that’s not a thing.”
13. “I’ve never fucked a redhead before.”
“‘I’ve never fucked a redhead before.’ —guy who did not fuck me.”
14. “‘You were a lot more interesting before you started talking.”
“I had a guy tell me ‘You were a lot more interesting before you started talking’ and then continued to flirt with me. I don’t know if that was an attempt at negging or what.”
15. “Do you have rape fantasies?”
“‘Do you have rape fantasies?’
I wanted to get help with a class and I thought he was going to help me catch up. He immediately hit me with this line. I made an excuse, stood up, and bolted.”
16. “You know, I’m going to another bar later. You are not my only option.”
“‘You know, I’m going to another bar later. You are not my only option.’
… I was never an option.”
17. “You don’t wear as much makeup as a woman should, but I like natural beauty.”
“‘You don’t wear as much makeup as a woman should, but I like natural beauty.’ lol okay.”
18. “Wow, you’re a lot smarter than you look!”
“‘Wow, you’re a lot smarter than you look!’ Uh, thanks?”
19. “It smells like a fish market in here.”
“The last day of school my sophomore year, we got arranged by last name into different rooms to wait for our report cards and the dismissal; I was seated next to this guy I’ve never talked to before. The first thing he says, ‘It smells like a fish market in here’ in reference to me sitting with my legs uncrossed. Never heard this phrase before so I said, ‘Oh, weird’ and that’s it. A few minutes go by and he tries to explain it to me. He had to tell me ‘I’m talking about your vagina smelling like fish because you have an STD, it’s a joke. You can’t keep your legs closed.’ It was really uncomfortable, I just tried to forget it. He somehow got my number, and after I got home, he texted me ‘Want to go out with me?’ ‘No thanks.’ ‘No one loves me, it’s okay I wanted to date [other girl] anyway’ and proceeds to ask for dating advice…”
20. “Your pockets are hanging out of your shorts. That’s usually pretty slutty, but I like that.”
“‘You know, your pockets are hanging out of your shorts. That’s usually pretty slutty, but I like that.’ Was with a few friends and one of them told him to get lost as I turned around to ignore him.”
21. “I’ve never eaten out a white girl before.”
“I was in 9th grade and he was a junior, he passed me a note stating that he had never eaten out a white girl before. He got pretty mad when I said I wasn’t interested. Teenage romance is a beautiful thing.”
22. “Honestly, for a black chick you’re pretty hot. Are you sure you aren’t mixed?”
“‘Honestly, for a black chick you’re pretty hot. Are you sure you aren’t mixed?’”
23. “You could crack a walnut with your ass cheeks.”
“I was at strip club when an incredibly drunk older guy walked up to me, assured me that I could crack a walnut with my ass cheeks, and then proceeded to ask me for a private dance.
I told him I had a nut allergy.”
24. “I’m your pooh bear, you be my honey pot.”
“‘I’m your pooh bear, you be my honey pot.’ shudder
I was at work, it was a customer of about 65 years old, I was 20 at the time.”
25. “You’re so pretty. Hitler would have been proud of you.”
“I’m a tall, blonde girl from Germany. I celebrated my 21st birthday in Vegas and had a guy hit on me by saying how pretty he thought I was and how Hitler would be proud of me…”
26. “You would look much better with implants.”
“I love how athletic you are—you have a really nice body—but you would look much better with implants.’ WTF, man?”
27. “Who knows, if you get raped, you might find out you like a bit o’ the sausage!”
“‘Who knows, if you get raped, you might find out you like a bit o’ the sausage!’”
28. “Is your ass hungry? Because it’s eating your pants.”
“I worked at the mall when I was 16 and when I was standing in line at the food court for lunch, a man asked me if my ‘ass was hungry, cause it’s eating your pants.’ 20 years later and I am still at a loss for words!”
29. “You’re really cute! You’re not hot, though.”
“‘You’re really cute! You’re not hot, though. But that’s okay, I like cute girls better.’”
30. “I’m a good Christian boy who’s been saved so if we do this we’re going to have to exploit the poophole loophole.”
“A guy on Tinder opened with ‘I’m a good Christian boy who’s been saved so if we do this we’re going to have to exploit the poophole loophole.’”
31. “I have a small dick but what I lack in size I make up in enthusiasm.”
“‘I have a small dick but what I lack in size I make up in enthusiasm. How do you feel about not wearing deodorant and going for a run before we f*ck so I can lick the sweat from your armpits? My name is Punchy by the way.’ (Said in one breath without a hint of humor.) I have many more stories like this from being the only female on staff in a comic book store.”