Ash Wednesday? Looks More Like Blackface Wednesday To Me

Well it’s Ash Wednesday folks – the day in which Catholics smear some burnt palm on their faces, feign solemnity, and pretend as if they aren’t just walking around in partial blackface. Oh, sure guys. It’s totally just a Jesus thing. I’m sure it has nothing to do with racism. Gimme a break.

The thing about Christian holidays is that they’re all offensive, they’re just not as overtly racist as Ash (herein referred to as Blackface) Wednesday is. Santa Claus basically employs slaves, the Easter Bunny is a cruel mockery of a homosexual – a giant fluff that queers reproduction (eggs) with colorful paint and candy – and Lent is just a way for rich fancy Catholics to appropriate a life of poverty. They spend 40 days imagining what it would be like to be less fortunate. Lent is slumming, the original gentrification. But none of the holidays are as blatantly racist as Blackface Wednesday.

And make no mistake about it. Blackface Wednesday is indeed blackface. I mean really, if 50% of your face is covered in blackface material, that still counts as blackface. Imagine if you burned down 50% of a black church, or said 50% of the n-word? Is that cool? Of course not. When I was a little girl we were assigned text books in elementary school. Throughout the year, I’d spend my free time doodling swastikas in every book. At the end of the year though, I’d have to turn the books back in, and I’d spend a day going from page to page turning all the little swastikas into windows by connecting the arms. Haha, I would think. I am so clever. Now my teachers will just think I love Microsoft. But the teachers knew better. They were still swastikas. And that ash on your forehead still counts as blackface. Hell, it’s almost a swastika itself. If you’re doing Blackface Wednesday, you’re doing Blackface Swastikas. That’s the most racist thing you could possibly do, besides inventing a time machine to go back and kiss Hitler on the lips.

For all the praise the “cool Pope” has received for his relatively progressive stance on being gay, letting people be gay, and being an apologist for the terrorists that shot up the Charlie Hebdo cartoonists, you’d think he’d step in and say, whoa guys, let’s turn the Al Jolson shit down a notch. Wash that shit off your face and figure out a new way to celebrate Jesus being killed. Or resurrected, or born or whatever. Whichever one Blackface Wednesday celebrates.

Why don’t you wash that shit off your face, Catholics, and come join the rest of us in the 21st century.