How To Be Crazy And Ruin Your Relationship (In 10 Easy Steps)

Step 1. Believe that you aren’t worthy of love.

Step 2. Obsess over your ‘flaws’ and convince yourself that they are the most noticeable thing about yourself.

Step 3. Compare these ‘flaws’ to others and tell yourself how beautiful these other people are and how if you just looked like them, you’d be happier (note: you wouldn’t be).

Step 4. Find a wonderful boyfriend and slowly start to find fault in everything he does.

Step 5. Over-analyze every single interaction between you and your SO. If he’s not replying to your texts instantly, tell yourself he’s busy chatting up another girl. If he’s off with you tell yourself it’s because he doesn’t love you anymore, if he’s overly affectionate tell yourself it’s because he’s overcompensating.

Step 6. Become irrationally jealous when your SO talks to a member of the opposite sex, even if they’ve been friends for years. Believe that he secretly wants to bang her; he’s a man after all.

Step 7. See sparks and sexual tension between him and the new girl at work. Tell yourself he’ll be screwing her in a month.

Step 8. Fail to control your urge to snoop and take his room apart and read every single message and FB chat convo in his phone. Scroll all the way back to 2010 and tell yourself he probably still wants to bang/is in love with these women he hasn’t spoken to in years.

Step 9. Ask questions you don’t really want to know the answer to like, how many people he’s slept with, what his ex was like…And then lie there at night imagining him with all these women. Convince yourself he’s thinking of their hotter, tighter bodies when he’s fucking you.

Step 10. Drink way too much wine when you go out for a nice evening and pour your heart out about all of the shit you’ve done behind his back and how you don’t trust him at all. See that look in his eyes that tells you you’ve totally messed things up, break down and cry and tell him you’re sorry and it’s just ‘that time of month.’