If You Could Save Me, What Would You Say?

If you could save me, what would you say?

Would you look into my eyes and tell me it was all going to be okay?

How can I believe you when all you do is leave when I need you?

I hear your heartbeats when the sun beats down on this summer home,
My world is filled with your voice, laughing at the sadness, crying at the alter, crying when the sun rose, when it set, when I ran after you when you left,

I can try to believe in everything you said once again, if only you would look into my eyes like you did once upon a time,

My eyes might be red, but don’t be scared, it’s just the cold air I’ve been walking in making me tear up,

Everything is to be blamed but you, I know that by now,

I trip and I fall, and you stand there, with quietness wrapped around you like a blanket, and look at me, going through the motions without breaking down,

Ironically whenever you’re near me I feel strong, though you’re the reason I’m weak,

Days blur into one, I get up in the morning, and get up in the evening, but I stay up all night, trying to figure out where things went wrong in my life all these years.

I wonder if all the people try so hard to understand their own lives, do they feel suffocated by all this invisible weight of lost love on their shoulders?

Seasons don’t matter, you being not here like you promised doesn’t matter, nothing matters but me,

Nothing matters but this sadness,

Let me go, let me drown in this,

It’s the most I’ve been able to feel these past few decades,

The pain doesn’t matter, happiness doesn’t matter,

Every week passes, I blink, and it’s gone.

Feel the paper cuts on my skin, I tried to send you so many letters, but I never was able to put what I wanted to say into words, that would precisely explain what I was forced to feel.