This Woman Found Out Her BF Had A Secret Kid And An Eavesdropping Stranger Tweeted The Whole Damn Thing
My favorite thing to do in public is to eavesdrop. No, seriously — do you know how much drama you hear about just from going to a park or a coffee shop? Honestly, it’s crazy what people will talk about in broad daylight.
Author Maria Dahvana Headley was eating in a restaurant when she overheard a rather juicy conversation between a man and woman who’d been dating for quite a bit. Apparently the woman had just learned a pretty huge secret the guy had been hiding from her…
Omg. The couple date beside me just took a turn.
Her: You never told me you had a child!
Him: He's little.
Her: How little?
Him: 12.— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
I told you it was a big secret.
This is an established couple. They've been going out a while. He explains that he never told her about his kid because it's "complicated."
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
Now he's explaining about how the mother of his child is crazy. Oh, the look on his girlfriend's face is stony right now.
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
Dude thinks he can casually eat his mussels now, but his girlfriend is not happy. Now he's explaining that his kid doesn't need a dad.
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
Naturally, the dude kind of dug himself into an even bigger hole by trying to play it off.
He says his kid will "work it out." And his girlfriend is like: "how. How did you decide not to mention that you have a child?"
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
Girlfriend is just shaking her head back and forth and saying nope. "Do you send money" she asks. I know the answer.
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
"That would just make it more complicated," he says. "It would confuse him. I mean, I was 17 when he was born. I'm barely his dad."
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
Oh hell no. This is not going well and everyone in the damn restaurant can tell but him.
Nope, nope, nope. Now it is the song of nope in this bar. He still thinks he can slowly eat his mussels and say they're tasty.
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
"Trust me," he says. "I'm a good guy." Girlfriend says "Why, then, do you live here and not in California where your son is?"
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
They've been going out for a year and he just tried to back channel pretend that she just forgot he had a kid.
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
Because that's the kind of thing you forget. "Excuses," she says. "Weak, weak excuses."
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
Him: Should we get another glass of wine?? This isn't that big a thing. It's complicated. Love is complicated.
Her: WEAK.— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
The whole restaurant had to have a dance break because the soundsystem went on blast for a birthday. Except them. They didn't dance.
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
Of course, he acted like he couldn’t understand why she was so upset about it, even though it seems pretty natural to be upset about your significant other of one year completely forgetting to tell you he has a CHILD.
He just told her that she is "unexpectedly judgmental." "NOPE," she said. "Expectedly judgmental.
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
"Well," she says. "Before you said that, I was going to tell you that my gay friend offered to marry me for citizenship, but I said no."
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
"But now I think I can do whatever I want. Maybe I'm married right now and forgot to tell you."
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
He ordered dessert.
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
I'm gonna send this woman a drink.
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
"I mean, I was a junior in highschool. It's like it didn't happen," he is telling her. I am ordering her a drink.
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
Okay. Yeah, sure, dude.
Side bar: this guy's logic is why I regularly run in circles shouting about why the patriarchy is evil.
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
"It never felt like the right time to have his conversation," he says. She is just turning him to stone with a straight Medusa gaze.
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
"I don't know why you brought this up," he tells her. "You did," she says. "You accidentally mentioned your child you'd never mentioned."
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
He is now listing the reasons he felt uncomfortable disclosing "intimate" things to her, such as the fact that he has a child he forgot.
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
"Oh, now you're listing the reasons it's not your fault you have a 12 year old you abandoned? Are you? ARE YOU NOW?"
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
This dude is 29 years old and he is trying to talk his way out of this using 5 year old tactics.
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
Her: "I don't judge you for having a child. I judge you for being a liar. As should be obvious. That's basic."
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
"I am thinking about a little kid in bed wondering where his dad is, and it turns out I'm looking at his dad. NO."
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
He just suggested she has PMS. Now maybe I'm going to come for him.
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
Oh HELL no. How does anyone stay calm in that situation?! But unfortunately, the man managed to talk his way into making himself look like the good guy again
Him: The way you're reacting? I'm just working so hard on myself and I feel like you don't respect that.
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
I mean, folks. I have the whole bar in front of me. Alcohol is antiseptic. If I break it over him, it's cool, right?
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
Because this badass woman who is a billion times better than this tool just hugged him.
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
He said some shit that convinced her she is the wrong one. He just explained how hard it is for men to have emotions.
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
The last time I got involved in a scenario like this – the guy asked my opinion while his date was in the bathroom – I almost punched a bro.
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
I still want to kill him. OMG. Now he is showing her pictures of his son snagged from Facebook.
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
She's decided to do this thing. I can only hope that it ends with her dumping him into a little pile of twigs and thorns.
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
Honestly, this scene is all too familiar. Even if you don’t know anyone who’s dated someone who hid a kid from them, you’ve definitely known someone who knew something was wrong but got talked into thinking it was normal — and that they were the crazy one for thinking it was wrong.
Sometimes you choose to be with a ninnypawed toddler. It's her choice. We've all been there. But ohhhh I want her to fling him over the bar.
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
Oh…she has remembered that he mentioned a "nephew or something" and her rage is back.
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
The bartender, who is a woman, and I have been discussing this disaster. Both of us threw fists of wrath in the air.
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
"He's not all that," says bartender. "He's none of that," says me. But the heroine of this story has left with him.
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
Before she went, she said "I'm gonna need more drinks." Tomorrow, she will tell this to a friend who will say Hell No.
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
Maria decided to write the woman a note, though she never delivered it to her. Still, we wish she would have.
I wrote her a note. I didn't give it to her. We all have to make mistakes. Maybe she will drop him tomorrow. pic.twitter.com/qz2XMqXyZg
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
But would the woman have listened? Unfortunately, gaslighting is a strong thing, and it’s not always easy to walk away when you’re being emotionally manipulated.
The reason I put this up? I didn't know how to dump this kind of guy when I was her age either.
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
They only needed to imply – as this guy did – that I was too intense and too emotional, and bam, I was second guessing my own mind.
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
This guy was profiting off a long tradition of men convincing women that they are "hysterical" and therefore undesirable.
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
That shit works pretty well, not because women are weak, but because we've heard it since birth. We are all scared of being unlovable.
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
She wasn't in danger. I hope that in the morning she shares her evening with her best friends. None of them will approve.
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
As it turns out, this isn’t all just mindless drama — there’s a moral to the story.
The moral of the story: even if you're a badass woman, it is really hard to resist a culture that insists you have to keep a man.
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
This guy never apologized for his lying ways, nor for his bad parenting. He managed to convince her she was at fault for judging him.
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
I hope that convincing is brief. Their conversation wasn't finished. It's not like she is going to forget he had a secret child.
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
Now I'm home and singing Tomorrow, tomorrow, & imagining this guy being eviscerated into pulp, living, & PAYING SOME DAMN CHILD SUPPORT.
— Maria Dahvana Headley (@MARIADAHVANA) June 8, 2017
Never let someone make you think your instincts — or your sense of wrong and right — are wrong. Never let someone tell you you’re being too judgmental for calling them out on their shit. And never let someone invalidate you by saying you’re being too emotional. If something upsets you that much, you probably have a point.