When You Weren’t Paying Attention, I Was Already Moving On

It may surprise you to know that I’ve already moved on. But already for me was a long and steady trek.

That night you dropped my call and didn’t call me back, I was moving on.

Every moment you put me down and filled me up with doubt, I was moving on.

When you compared me to your exes, I was moving on.

When you hurled my phone and shattered it against a tree, I was moving on.

When you slammed your fist into the dashboard of my new car, I was moving on.

It may surprise you to know that I’ve already moved on.

But it happened every time you left without explanation, every time you degraded me or embarrassed me. It happened when you belittled our relationship, with every self-centered decision and egotistical act. And when it was finally over, my heart no longer wondered if the end was the right decision. Moving on was as gradual and elusive as the seasons shifting and the years passing. Gradual in the same way that our skin ages and our wisdom grows; it is happening every day, you see. The changes didn’t happen all at once.

But they did happen. You did change.

So when you’re unhappy and wishing for all of the good times we had, or when you’re struggling to move on with your life or to wrap your head around how quickly it all happened, I hope you understand it was always happening.

When you are trying to grasp how I can be so happy in my new life, or when you pick up your phone and feel tempted to tell me you miss me, I need you to know that, for me, there is no going back. Because, my dear ex, I’ve already moved on.