Hey, We Met 4 Years Ago At A Party, But Thanks For Endorsing Me On LinkedIn!

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Hey Random Guy I Met That One Time At a College Party Four Years Ago,

How are you doing? How’s all that nothing I know about you going for you? I see you’ve endorsed me on LinkedIn, a social media site I still fail to understand the purpose of. I mean isn’t it basically just a professional Facebook where random people you don’t know and tons of people you kind of know add you and then pretend to know shit about your professional life by “endorsing” your skills?

I’m surprised you even remember my name. Did you remember my name? Or just my face? Probably just my face. Even then, I’m pretty sure the only time you saw it was when my friends and I were eating a poorly spiked watermelon in the kitchen of some shitty house in the student ghetto. You stood awkwardly in the doorway watching us. Maybe you tried to strike up a conversation. I can’t remember. You weren’t very memorable. Sorryyyyy.

I see you’ve endorsed me for my skills in “adventure travel,” “creative writing,” and “blogging.” Cool! Thanks for that! I’m sure having an endorsement from you will help me get all of the jobs. That’s why this part of LinkedIn exists right? I can’t wait to see an employer give an actual fuck about an endorsement on a social media site!

I’m kind of confused, though. Actually, I’m very confused. When did you become knowledgeable enough in my career that you could actually attest to my abilities? You saw me relatively buzzed. Once. Four years ago. Like, the fuck do you know about anything? Did you stumble upon my Live Journal circa 2001 with all that sad girl poetry? I mean, my username was based off of Jack Off Jill song. It was a very #dark time in my life. Not sure if that’s creative writing you should really be endorsing on a professional site, bb!

Also, I’m not exactly certain when adventure travel became a skill. I thought it was something people just did, like skydiving over Belize or being forced to walk in the rain after having an expensive blowout.

Anyway, thanks again guy who meant nothing to me four years ago and who will likely remain nothing to me for as long as I live. All those endorsements from you and the other randos I hardly know from college and former jobs I’d like to forget will surely help my career.

xo,

Koty