A Gift Guide For The HIPPEST Hipster
Shut Up And Play The Hits
People were pretty upset when everybody’s favorite dance-punk band LCD Soundsystem called it quits in 2011. In case you have a hipster friend who for some strange, inexplicable reason couldn’t make it to the band’s last shows at Madison Square Garden, now you can surprise her or him with the live concert DVD of the performance. The music is LOUD and awesome. Also includes a documentary portrait of James Murphy, the brains behind the band. A hipster MUST.
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You’ve dated hipsters. You’ve slept with hipsters. By now you know these things are the hipster footwear of choice. They’re totally low key and lazy yet juuust expensive enough that they teeter the line of pretense. Perfect!
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A personalized axe by Best Made Company
He’s already got the ridiculous beard and a bottomless supply of flannel shirts. Now you can give him a custom made axe to really bring his lumberjack look full circle.
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Technics SL-1200MK2 Turntable
Fish need water. Birds need wings. Hipsters need turntables. No self respecting hipster with any certified claim to street-cred can be seen without a turntable. Technics are the best there are, and these babies run a little steep, especially since you need two of them. But you can easily find a used set of Technics on Craigslist or, you know, you could just get whatever other ironic USB turntable Urban Outfitters is selling.
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Hipster coffee snobs can’t drink regular drip coffee. no no no. Starbucks is only for the poor, common man. Show your hipster bud you really care by giving them a nice, big supply from the apex of coffee beans.
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Anti-Oedipus: Capitalism and Schizophrenia, by Gilles Deleuze and Felix Guattari
Regular hipsters read Jack Kerouac, Chekhov, Proust, and so on. But the HIPPEST hipsters take their schtick to a whole new level by reading obscure, largely incomprehensible philosophical texts. Show your elite hipster pal you’re on top of it by giving them this confusing romp with philosophy. Want to know the greatest part about this gift? The hipster will be able to take this book out into society, on the bus, in coffee shops, and on rooftops. What’s the point of reading obscure texts if nobody can see you reading them?
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Purity Ring, “Shrines” — On vinyl, obviously
Purity Ring is literally the hottest buzz band on the scene, but they’re still underground enough that not a lot of people know about them. Show your exquisite musical taste (as well as your spectacular subcultural fluency) by giving them the band’s debut record “Shrines.”
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A hoodie from the liberal arts college they went to
Our college years were the best years of our lives. This hoody is a little something to remind your hipster pal of the wonders of their college years at the exclusive liberal arts college they “attended.” Ah, yes. The place they majored in experimental music and did drugs, had three-ways, and read Bret Easton Ellis on the campus green. To be 20.
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A gift card to ASOS
One has ironic t-shirts, colorful socks, and skinny jeans to buy.
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A candle from OAK
OAK is an edgy, high fashion hipster lair, and the candle’s there are amazing. Try Prince + Mercer #97 — it’s fabulous.
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It’s a wallet made of paper! Both environmentally friendly AND vegan.
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CB I Hate Perfume
Show me a person who has never wanted to smell exactly like “Cheesecake” or a plastic doll head, and I will show you a person who is lying when they say they have only ever slept with three people. CB I Hate Perfume is a Williamsburg, Brooklyn-based fragrance palace where the fragrances are unique and contain no alcohol. This is a great gift for hipster people who are all about avoiding animal testing and all of that stuff.
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Ableton Launchpad
With this simple gift, you’re saying that you believe 100% in your hipster friend’s new band If You See Something, Say Something!!! Giving them an Ableton controller is making them one illuminated button away from a hot single that will totally catapult their music career, which means this gift puts them one step closer to playing Terminal 5 or some such. And he will have YOU to thank for it!