A Friendly Reminder That The Void Still Loves You

My sweet girl, do not worry a moment longer that you’ll be single forever or that your ex never really loved you anyway. Shhhhh. Forget your dating woes, for The Void still welcomes you to scream into it whenever you want. And that’s what real love is!

As you spend your days waiting for the right guy — making sure he’s someone who does everything on your checklist! — consider this: you can always just stare blankly into The Void. Forever. There’s no limit to how long you can face The Void, and that’s what relationships are truly all about.

Long-lasting eye contact with the black vacuum of nothing — are you swooning or what?!

Forget that The Void isn’t 6’3” (it has no height because it is literally total emptiness) and forget that you’re used to dating guys who open doors for you or send you flowers to your office (The Void cannot do either thing because it is a bottomless vortex, and, depending upon who you ask, relevant to several realms of metaphysics).

The Void is here for you, my precious angel, and it is better than any man. Because it’s a manifestation of nothingness. Mmmmm. Nothingness. It sounds pretty attractive, right?

Remember all of this the next time you feel like you’ll be — ugh!! — single forever. Just think of the cold, empty embrace of The Void. An endless abyss of darkness… and love!