A Is For Alcohol, A 20-Something Alphabet


A is for Alcohol, your constant in a sea of change.

B is for Baby, that thing you *really* don’t want until one day, you suddenly do.

C is for Candy Crush, the Mario and Luigi of a new world.

D is for Drunk text, the bane of your atrophied impulse control’s existence.

E is for Eggs Benedict, which you will splurge on financially and calorie-wise this weekend because “it will cure your hangover.”

F is for Fixed gear bicycle, a trendy kind of transportation for poor people and fitness/environmental enthusiasts.

G is for Gentrification, that thing you are doing to the formerly “artsy” neighborhood you live in.

H is for Hoodie, the item of clothing that most exemplifies how you feel about the world (you reserve the right to zip it all the way up and pull your hood over your eyes when it’s annoying).

I is for iPhone, your standard issue best friend forever.

J is for Job, forty hours a week you pay student loans every month for the honor of having.

K is for Kegals, you can be doing them right now!

L is for Lonely, the dominant emotion for 20-somethings with a lot of feelings just trying to figure their lives out already, okay?

M is for Money, a mythical item which buys you things, like clearance dresses from Urban Outfitters and PBRs from 5-6 and 9-11.

N is for Netflix, how you watch most of your TV.

O is for Organic, how you either buy or shamefully do not buy your produce.

P is for Protein shake, or, how you determine who is trying to have their life together and who is still drinking Gatorade because they are constantly hungover.

Q is for QR Code, a way to determine which brands are trying to target your age group without actually employing anyone in your age group.

R is for Redbox, the ideal video store for millennials because you don’t have to make small talk with anyone.

S is for Suburbs, a foreign land where parking is plentiful and people have conversations about lawn maintenance.

T is for Text messaging, the preferred means of communication for everyone situation.

U is for Unrequited love, a bleak reality we all must endure at some (or many) point(s) in our 20s.

V is for Voicemail, what people leave you if they are a bill collector, an elderly relative or The Actual Devil.

W is for Whiny–what people from other generations call you when you act like they would in a similar circumstance.

X is for XOXO, the non-ironic way you’ve been signing your emails since Gossip Girl made it cool again.

Y is for YouTube, where people watch music videos after the death of actual Music TeleVision.

Z is for Zack Morris, your first and greatest love.

Uber is a mobile app that hails cabs for you. Click here, sign up, and get your first ride with Uber for free.

image – Jesse Millan