A Packing List For When You Happen To Be Visiting The City Your Ex Lives In

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Sunscreen. SPF 30.

A firm sense of bitter resentment and burning irritation.

Headphones so that you can listen to the one song that sort of reminds you of him on repeat throughout the plane ride—just to see if it still makes you want to tear your hair out. And also because the airline headphones hurt your ears.

Makeup remover wipes.

A mini toothbrush and toothpaste that you picked up last minute from Target so that your smile screams “thanks for breaking up with me, Sean, I’m doing great.”

A solid pair of comfortable walking shoes.

A series of life updates spanning from the last time you two spoke to now that’ll make him say “haha, shit.”

Strong deodorant to combat any and all panic attacks you suffer on the street because you’re convinced he’s walking towards you. It’s incredible how someone who looks nothing like him can still make you panic and wish for the depths of hell to finally open up and welcome you so you don’t have to be like “oh wow, Greg, so wild that in a city of millions I happen to run into you in the three days I’m here—no, I’m totally not sweating—remember how the last time you saw me I was crying?”

2-3 going out outfits, just in case you decide to hit the town!

But also That One Outfit you know you look very good in and you really hate to admit that you’re bringing it ~*~for him~*~just in case~*~because seriously something is wrong with you~*~. You’ll be angry while wearing it, but you’ll look super hot. Whatever, you’ve already put it in your bag now, there’s no going back. Fuck you, Rob.

Extra contact lenses and your backup glasses.

Your phone charger so you are never left in a situation where you can’t fake being on your phone in a public space. Sorry David, can’t make mindless and soul-crushing small talk with you in this coffee shop we both unfortunately happen to be in at the same time! As you can see from my well-lit phone screen I have 18,000 unread emails that I’ve decided now would be a good time to organize! And also I’m doing great! I mean, look at my inbox!

A raincoat for any unpredictable weather. Maybe even an umbrella. Always better to be over prepared.