A Short Thing I Wrote In The Notes App On My Phone At 3:16AM


I can’t remember who said it to me first, but I was raised on the idea that you should leave parties right at their peak so that you wouldn’t overstay your welcome and, by leaving right at the best part of the evening, you would avoid the inevitable decline and the weird sadness that comes from leaving a once-great night. There is something so sad about a good party that I can’t really articulate—you know when you step outside of the party and go into a private room in the host’s apartment and it’s quiet, but you can faintly hear people and music outside the door? Something about that bothers me—and I really hate saying goodbye to other people, so I Irish exit everything I go to. Right at the peak.

There’s that excellent quote from Lorde:

With a party, there’s that moment where a great song comes on and you’re ecstatic, and then there’s that moment later on where you’re alone in the bathroom, looking in the mirror, you don’t think you look good, and you start feeling horrible.

I don’t know why I’m thinking about this. New York City is not even a place where people hang out in apartments anyway. I think I’m trying to distract myself from thinking about other things because any thought that comes about naturally at 3AM is going to be a disaster. But I’m wondering now if this rule applies to all things in life. Does me being content with life equate to it being the peak of a party? Am I supposed to change something now? Everything?

I went to a wedding about a little over a year ago, and the groom’s friend gave a quiet speech right before everyone started eating. I think I was only tipsy at this point. I remember him describing the groom as someone who was “comfortable in uncomfortable situations and uncomfortable in comfortable situations.” I’ve been thinking about it ever since—first of all, what a good compliment—and I really have no idea if this applies to me (I make everything about me!!!!), but I want to be that kind of person too.

I really need to remember to take Melatonin before going to bed.