A Story About The First Hookup After A Breakup

I was single for only 4 months when I decided to download Bumble.

I swiped for a week when I swiped right on a guy I went to high school with but was a year younger than me. We started texting and agreed to go out to eat.

On the night of the date, he sat in front of me and he looked so much like my ex. As soon as he started talking, he even sounded like my ex, liking the same things as him, etc. It was like I was having a date with my ex 2.0

We went out for drinks the next day and I had the confirmation that it wouldn’t work because he was so proud to say he was partying every weekend and taking drugs.

I gave him a second chance when he invited me over to his house for “drinks.” He talked to me about the problems he had with his dad which soften me towards him.

When we had sex, however, it was so impersonal and robotic, like he was doing some kind of performance instead of “connecting” with me. It’s always weird to have sex after a relationship because you’re getting vulnerable with someone new instead of your boyfriend.

However, I was missing the love, the affection, and the tenderness. We saw each other another time and after, it was already the end.

I convinced myself so much that I didn’t want a boyfriend and only wanted to have fun but it’s not true. I want someone to text me that they want to see me, I want someone to cuddle with me and I want someone to love me.

It’s only been 7 months since the breakup and I know I’m not ready to be in a relationship yet but I don’t want to just have sex with someone and have them only text me once a week.

I respect and value myself enough to wait for someone who wants to connects with me.