After Losing You I Learned How To Light Up My Own Universe


The moon is shining bright tonight. So bright – just like your smile. So bright – just like the aura you bring with you whenever you’re near me. So bright – just like the way you laughed and the way you make me laugh. So bright – just like the way I am whenever you were with me.

And it’s beautiful, love.

The moon is so beautiful that describing it so feels like an understatement. It’s also beautiful like the way your hair looked so messy when you said you just woke up and immediately ran to your class because you were already late. It’s beautiful like how you told me how much you loved this singer and his music and how you “fanboy” so much to him and you’re not ashamed of it. It’s beautiful like the way you opened the door for me when we entered the shop to buy some coffee. It’s achingly beautiful like you.

And it truly leaves me speechless.

Remember that night when we walked under the blanket of stars in the vast, beautiful sky? You were speechless back then, looking up.

We were silent but then you broke the static and said, out of nowhere, “It’s so freaking beautiful.” And my God, I thought, you didn’t need to look up to say that, you didn’t need the sky or the stars or the moon, you only needed you. Because you, yourself, are so freaking beautiful for anyone not to be in awe.

But just like this moon I’m staring at that’s going to set in a few hours, our time ended as well. Replaced by the sun, replaced by something more powerful and more brilliant. Replaced by something so strong and stable as opposed to the vulnerability and uncertainty of what came before.

I realized that indeed, we cannot be both, love. We cannot be both the moon and sun. We can only be each other’s moon – only meant to save each other through the darkness, give the other light when he or she needed someone to.

Because remember that time you entered my life?

We were both broken, hurt, ruined by the people we loved the most. We were both out of the idea that love still deserved a chance. But love, we gave it a chance – maybe not as permanent as it should be, but I felt it.

Did you?

Love surged through me the way the moonlight strikes every dark corner in this world. And I felt it. Deep, so deep, that I hadn’t had the chance to stop it.

But we can only be that – temporary – because it was time now for your sun to rise. I see, you have found her already – your sun, the one who’s lighting up your world a thousand times more than the moon did. I haven’t found mine yet, love. I’m not quite sure how. Because I’m still so engrossed with the idea that the sun, like the moon, is still meant to set – maybe taking a longer time than the moon but it still will.

But even when that does not happen, don’t worry, love, it’s fine.

Because now, as I stare at the moon, I realize that it’s time now to bid you goodbye and be my own universe. Not something revolving in just one world and most definitely not something merely depending on someone to light me up.