An Inner Monologue Of Attempting To Exercise (And Failing Miserably)


Considering I’m always susceptible to feeling less than 100%— menstrual cycle shenanigans, colds, tired issues here and there, etc…everyone tells me to just exercise.

Well, it finally dawned on me to simply *move more* when I stepped on a scale after two years of not stepping on a scale.

Here are the thoughts that followed:

Wait. What? Is that scale broken?

Yep. It’s definitely broken…

*A few more attempts ensue *

But wait. Really?

(Looking at my mom for her rebuttal, as I ask how many pounds to deduct as ‘period water weight.’)

* The ‘denial moment’ passes*

Sooooooo…I guess I was more active in high school/college? Definitely college because I took the bus and walked across the turnpike to the campus. (#BADASS)

And then there was right after college when I trekked to and from the city for those unpaid internships. (Shoutout to unpaid internships!)

But now, I can’t just eat and stay still. Apparently.

Does this mean I have to lift weights at the gym? PLEASE EXERCISE GODS. ANYTHING BUT THAT.

I think the best bet is to *briskly* walk since I like to walk anyway. It just has to be incorporated into my routine with a little more structure.

Yay, I live near a middle school track! Convenient much.

When should I walk? During my off days? After dinner? I hate the heat. Can’t ever walk in the heat.

The heat should die.

But anyway….

It’s settled — I shall walk at night when the sun is not mean.

*First Walk*

I’m told to wear sneakers. I knew that though, right?

Just doing half a mile for starters, no big deal. THIS IS SO EASY.

*Post-First Walk*

Okay. That was fine. I can even walk to the Chinese takeout place now!

*Around a week or so later*

Legs are kind of sore. Poor legs.

I’m tired.

So tired. Like as if I didn’t sleep well. Ew. Now I’m extra sensitive. HERE COMES THE SENSITIVITY.

UGH. BUT WHYYYYY. I didn’t do anything that intense. Just some track walks and a couple of boardwalk walks; one was even late night when it was super foggy and creepy (that fact is actually irrelevant though…)

Does this mean I am thatttttt out of shape?

Um yes. Yes it does mean that.

Everyone says my body will get used to it and ultimately feel better.

I think.

I hope.


But right now, where are you, bed?

Can I lie on you?