An Ode To Entitled Millennial Boy


Let me tell you about the Entitled Millennial Boy.

The Entitled Millennial Boy is an emotional creature. As discussed in modern poetry they belong to the Phylum Cnideria. This is due to their lack of spine and brain. But also due to the amount of shit that comes out of their mouths.

The Entitled Millennial Boy rejects the word, “No.” When searching for a mate, they are the only creature that can be cowardly, yet aggressive at once.

Entitled Millennial Boys feel entitled to:

  • Selfies
  • Dates
  • Daily Conversation
  • and Explanation from a cute girl he only met once

He wants her to explain why she won’t go out with him. He wants to know why she refuses to send him selfies in response to his. When a girl says she’s not interested in a relationship with Entitled Millennial Boy, EMB denies ever flirting with her and feels that the following responses are appropriate:

  • “I just wanted to get to know you.”
  • “I’m just looking for a friend.”
  • “Why so hostile?”
  • “Is it because I’m not hot enough?”
  • “Why don’t you trust me?”

What EMB fails to realize is that the girl can sense immediately when he is flirting. This is made apparent by body language, right out flirtatious phrases like, “You’re really cute, if you don’t mind me saying”, change in voice—basically everything EMB does makes it completely obvious.

Yet, still he denies the fact he ever tried “getting with” cute girl in an effort to continue his attempt to “get with” cute girl or to save his sense of pride. EMB’s initial instinct is to make cute girl feel guilty for rebuffing his affections and accuse her of being hostile, crazy or needing to “calm her tits.”

Because of this, cute girls have developed several excuses for why she refuses to go out with EMB:

  • “I’m sorry but I’m seeing someone else”
  • “That’s very sweet, but I’m not interested in dating right now.”
  • “Thanks but I don’t hang out with boys alone.”

Each of which EMB has a defensive response:

  • “If you have a boyfriend why does your Facebook say ‘single’?”
  • “I’m not trying to get with you, I just want to get to know you.”
  • “If we go to the movie theater it’s technically not alone.”

Each of which an “LOL” is often tagged onto the end to make it seem like they aren’t completely desperate. What EMB needs to know about his “playing dumb” approach is that his reaction reflects the very reason cute girl doesn’t want to be alone with him.

He also needs to know that if any girl is uncomfortable hanging out with him, for whatever reason, it is not up for him to decide she’s wrong. If a girl doesn’t want to go out with him, platonically or romantically, it is not up for debate and does not need to be justified to him.

Girls are taught their whole lives to set boundaries and be assertive with boys. They are taught it is the right thing to do. Then EMB comes along and makes cute girl feel like the antagonist. That she’s doing the wrong thing.

EMB says he is not like “other guys.” That he’s mature, respectful, doesn’t like you showing so much skin (because he likes girls that leave something to “the imagination”) and thinks you’re more beautiful without makeup on.

Cute girl does not think this is respectful.

Boys, please don’t be Entitled Millennial Boy.